Well, anyways, I’m 14 (and a girl, if that matters), and like I said up there, I’m kind of confused. This is going to sound terrible, because I know there are people out there with legitimate problems that they honest-to-goodness can’t, but wish they could, control.
A couple months ago, I moved to a new place. I made friends and I have friends, but not close like I used to. I usually feel alone, because I usually am alone. I don’t feel like I have accomplished anything important, or that I will because half the people at my school are so smart. Every time I feel like doing something, I get started then lose interest. I literally feel like I am not doing anything with my life. I feel like a waste of space and a waste of time and it absolutely is terrible because I hate wasting time, but I CAN’T find anything to do. (I’ve said I way too many times.)
Well, to why I’m confused. I love living, and learning and experiencing things, but I find, more and more, I’m just losing an interest in life. The more I learn, the less interested I become–sad almost. Like, I think about everything I’ve done, then everything I’ve got left to do and it’s like an endless list and then, it’s not like I’m overwhelmed, I know I can figure it out, but it’s like, what’s the point? Why am I wasting time with all this stuff when I really don’t care and it won’t matter in twenty years, and then, I think, well all I’ve ever done is waste time. Time, money, effort. And then I think, what are you saving your effort for, if you don’t care about anything? And then I have this argument with myself that wastes more time. I want to talk to my friends, to see if they’ve ever felt like this, but every time I bring it up, they change the subject. I understand it’s uncomfortable.
I hope this isn’t too ambiguous as to why I am confused. I don’t understand why I keep losing interest and being bored, and then hating myself for losing interest and being bored. I want to not be bored, but when I finally motivate myself to do something, when I’m finished, I get caught up on how much time I wasted. Has anyone ever felt like this?–like they’re lost in time and even if you move forward, it doesn’t matter, because in a day, or a week, or a month, you’ll be just as unhappy, bored even. I guess you could say I don’t want to kill myself, but life is getting more and more dull, and I know it’s not supposed to, so I don’t want to continue. (I hope don’t have to recap my recap) So, it’d be nice if you can just let me know that I’m not the only one. Thanks 🙂
3 comments
I may understand somewhat what you’re getting at. It’s like I’m aiming at becoming an engineer or something, but I don’t really know why, cause I don’t really feel like doing anything. Still, I have to do something, it’s either that or dying.
You say that you’re wasting time, is there anything else you’d rather do?
“Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.”
Even if you’re doing something “productive”, does it really matter? We create our own purposes in life, mine is to get happy or die trying. What’s yours?
I hope what you were asking wasn’t just thought inspiring and rhetorical, but I think I get what you mean.
There’s a lot I want to do, and I understand I just do it and have a goal because that’ll keep me interested, but whenever I get started, I lose interest. I guess I should just work on that. Thanks for replying, and I guess my purpose is to be happy too, because in the end, if you’re, not, you’ve wasted your whole life, right?
Well, not necessarily wasted, but I see it as either you’re happy or you make others happy. Just feeling that what you do actually makes a difference. If you feel that, then it’s not wasted. BTW, have you thought about getting some counseling? You don’t really need to be fucked up to get help and if you feel like you’re slipping then I would strongly recommend trying to fix it before it gets too deep. Wish I had.