Living on borrowed time

Hi,my name is George,im 23 and i will die soon.

I’ve been wanting for a while now to find a forum where i can share my story,i guess everybody that wants to die wants to share his story.

I’ve been battling with depression for almost 4 years now,and i’ve been planing for a while now how to die,i just want this life to be over,i feel i suffered enough and i just can’t take it anymore..the pain..the loneliness..the dissapointments,but most of all not having anyone to ask for help..having someone i can explain that im suffering and i need help.

I dont have much of a family,i’ve had a sad childhood..i often run away when i was little,but still i had hopped that life will be better when i grew up..i guess i thought that those who get shitty childhoods are being rewarded with a good life from then on.Yup ..i was that naive.

To be fair..up until college..i was pretty happy..i had friends..i had girls..never had problems making friends or putting myself in the spotlight,but all these seem to so far away now..i forgot how to laugh ..how to smile..depression has taken over my life now and i realised its here to stay..in the past 4 years i’ve slowly isolated myself..lost pretty much all my friends (except 1 good friend) ..i havent had a girlfriend in 3 years..adding the no family..ive pretty much been isolated here..this is now way  to live a life,also this weird feeling that ive extended  my stay here,like i was supposed to die a long time ago.

Im angry and sad all the time,who wants to be friends with someone like that..who falls in love with someone like that ? .. no one.. i know now there is nothing for me in this world,i finally realised that.

Maybe i can make a difference in anothere life 🙂 .. ive chosen 31 july to kill myself..ive always enjoyed summer,i just want one last summer thats the only reason behind the date.

This is not a cry for help..i just wanted someone to know i was here,and to all reading this..maybe it will get better for you.