My long story…

so when I was 9 I started getting bullied really badly I eventually only had two friends and that was that, all I had on my schedule was crying, being bullied, and crying. then when I was 10 i thought things were getting better but they just4 got worse, my grandma started dying and I loved her dearly. and i missed a few days of school cause i was at the hospital with her. people started to leave me alone a bit and I even started to get more friends. but that didn’t last long. in 5th grade this girl came to my school and we were best friends, her name was tia. well, she left being my friend for a clique who bullied the shit outta me. and things went downhill. Tia succeeded at taking over their group and everything feel down. that was the first time I ever thought about killing myself. and it wouldn’t be the last. In 6th grade I was dreading going back to school. And when I got back to school….everything just got worse. I had a billion journals full of poems and songs and drawings and diary entries, and well tia got her hands on them, you guys probably know what comes next. she showed it to the whole school. and damn i just lost it. when I got home i raided the pill cabnet and well i was about to swallow a bunch of pills but then they all fell on the floor. and so I picked them all up and when I was done i just didn’t feel the urge to die anymore. to this day i still have a bottle of random pills. now i’m in seventh grade.and things were going great, I’m going to a new school and everyone accepted me at first, until my best friend since pre-k decided to turn her back on me. she told everyone that I was a lesbian and that I molested her. I broke down when I heard that I just wouldn’t stop crying. she was my best friend. we fueded for about a week until things went back to normal, sorta. but, that week when we were fighting, I cut for the first time, i cut broken hearts into my arm. then a couple weeks later I cut again, then a week later again, i couldn’t and can’t stop cutting. A couple months later the girl, sarah, Yelled at me in band and said all this shit, she said I was a whore and a slut, she saidx i’ve had so many boyfriends, she said that all I do is complain complain complain, that i’m a spoiled brat who fakes being depressed. she said that i deserve to die. she said that if i was anorexic she should get professional help instead of talking to my friends about it. I just stood there, tears forming in my eyes, I didn’t say anything. except for “I can’t believe you just said that, you *****.” and then the bell rang and I ran to class crying. I hid my face behind my bangs and everyone was staring. that night I cut, deep. right on my vein, nothing bad really happened cause I didn’t hit the vein but i almost did. the next day I cut my arm 37 times. and then the next day my friend ciarah wanted to know if I wanted to come over, I said sure, I thought for a moment that it was a trap, that sarah was going to be there. I shrugged it off and went over to ciarah’s house. ciarah took my into the basement and started asking me about sarah and about why I was mad at her, why were we fighting. and I told her that sarah had said things about me. but I didn’t badmouth sarah, I knew better than that. then I went upstairs and when I turned around I sa1 sarah coming up the stairs and I just stood there for a few seconds and i teared up. “I knew this was a trap. i trusted you though ciarah. ugh” and i walked away “where are you going?” ciarah asked “home, *****.” and I got on my bike and rode home as fast as I could. I cut two times. a few weeks later when I had forgiven ciarah she invited me over again to this school she lives by. so I agreed. and when my mom dropped me off she saidx “are you sure sarah isn’t here?” she asked “yes mom, ciarah wouldn’t sabotage me again.” I said “okay, just call me if you need anything.” she said worried “I will, bye mom.” I walked off toward ciarah….and sarah. “what the hell is she doing here?” i yelled at ciarah. “she wanted to come so calm your tits jacks.” she replied “yeah jackie calm th FUCK down.” sarah spat at me. “sarah shut up.”…abouut 20 minutes later sarah was yelling at me saying I was a whore and a ***** and a fuck off and thathI should kill myself already. I started walking off and ciarah and sarah followed, i texted my mom to pick me up and then sarah turned me around and punched me. i was bleeding then she scratched my arm and blood started pouring from the cuts, she looked at me in alarm, i said “look what you did *****!!!” “just leave me the fuck alone.” i said stopping the blood with my sleeve. my mom vame and saw my arm and looked at sarah and sarah ran away.” what did she do!?” my mom yelled. “nothing okay, i just fell I swear.” and we left it at that. flash forward to now. sarah left the school and i havn’t seen her since two months ago. and everything is going allright besides the fact that my bff has cancer. one of my awesome friends moved away and she can never ever talk to me again. the guy I like (almost love) is moving away and he said he loved me. and i have 44 scars on my arm and I cut again laszt night…make that soon to be 45…
Sincerely, Free