Troubled Agian.

So Today. I signed up for this website. I knew about it for awhile and i saw some of your stories. There touching and sad. Sometimes i wanna reachout and touch you and say everything is gonna be ok but most of the time its not. no matter how hard you try. All the things in your pass comes back and stabs you right in your heart when it was actually being patched up. i have manic Depression, Bi-polar, sleeping disorder,skizo, i seen Things and been through plenty of things in life that has hurt me and made me scared im 15 years old. im turning 16 this summer june 20th. im a girl in a big world trying too figure out where is my life gonna go in the next hour,day,mounths,years, Im a cutter. i have scares all over my legs and wrist and neck. I never thought that life would be so hard and trying too face it on my own. My dad yeah never been around for me he missed out on alot of things he sold coke. My real mom she gave me too my dad when i was 6 mounths old she left to go to prison for about 5 years. she didnt get ahold of me till i was about 10 or 11 years old i lived with my grandarents since i was about two years old. i wouldnt say all my childhood was bad i had fun time believe me i was happy when i was a kid nouthing too worry about till i got about 10 or 11 maybe 12 thats when i just became derpessed. sick didnt want too eat didnt want too talk  didnt want too move just wanted to be in the dark i put tinfole on my window so i could keep it cold and dark in my room i would turn my music up and just lay there for hours thinking about things . in the year of 2008 my dads dads which was my papa that i was closed too i spent the night over there every change i got. he was in a coma my dad was there but i wasnt i was at my aunts with my grandma and cuzin kyle. i knew i should of been there but i wasnt so i went on thinking that hes gonna come outta hes coma and everything is gonna be ok. i went with m grandma and my cuzin to seaworld and i was haveing a great time in the world till my grandma and cuzin stop and looked at me. and said we got something too tell you. i thought it was somthing good she look over at kyle she said you tell her i was like tell me what? then he didnt tell me so she did and i remeber every single word she said. Robin your papa passed away at 2 oclock today i looked at her and my heart inside crumbled i felt like my world just fell apart i should of been there and i wasnt. I went too that funreal and saw eveyone just so sad i wanted to just die. life is hard and i dont even know where to began with all of this i wished i didnt have problem take medicaion i should be normal but somtimes i dont even know if normal exist anymore. i should be a teenager not worrie about my depression or takein my meds i should be out with my friends. whatever friends that i have or did have. Being with my boyfriend for god sake whos knows if where gonna be together for long things are so messed up. my real mom calling my house saying im not hers wished i was never born that shes gonna kill herself she not takeing her meds like shes supposed too she on drugs. my dad havent seen him in there years i get a phone call from him in the jail once in awhile he writes but i never write back. why because you missed out on about half of my life i three more years of school i dont need that screwed up like he cares anyway but if you guys are out there comment talk too me i just need for someone too relat to some thing like me just comment.