I just want to break my face on your stupid skull. I want to hang myself on your doorstep. I want to blow my brains out in front of your eyes. But nothing I can do will ever make you give a single shit, so I will just neck myself alone in my closet and swing there for a couple of days until somebody somewhere thinks what the fuck ever happened to that dumb shit who always walked with his fucking head down, what the fuck was his problem anyway. Don’t tell me I am a selfish ass, I lived this way for  16 years, thats almost half my fucking life, I think I’m old enough now to know fairytales are full of shit, there is no happy ending, nothing gets better, it is what it is, just deal with it you fucking prick. Well keep thinking like that with all your self help positive shit and you won’t have a problem with me gushing blood from my wrists. If everything happens for a reason then there is a good one for me to jump off this fucking ledge. Hey you, fuck you asshole, if you want to send me to hell because of anything I have ever done, then you better fucking send me now and I am happy to fucking go. I would never would want to spend a single minute ever being remotely close to you. Everything has always been directly taken from me, never have I even had a single fucking clue as to why, it’s like I just wake up some days and everyone has changed their mind. It’s no wonder I am a recluse, but do not worry he has a fucking kid, he won’t be that selfish to do that to him. Yeah, cool, no drama, I will just watch from a distance as you ruin that childs life the same way you ruined mine. Call me the bad guy and not the half dozen other men you had while I was at home looking after our son. I only paid every single fucking bill, cooked every single fucking meal, feed him every single fucking night cause you were too tired and would just roll over and close your eyes. He will never ever know everything his father did, your the fucking hero cause you are the one that gives him everything even though it comes off my fucking back. I’m tired of everything I have ever had and I am already worn out on from everything in front of me. I go to sleep and the pain hurts and when I wake up it’s ten times fucking worse and every minute is another I just want to die and it’s like that every single day. I tired to build us a home but you just took down every fucking brick quicker  then I could lay the next one and now I sit in a hole that I don’t want to climb out of, instead I want to turn around and just a little deeper into my own shit. Don’t tell me not give up. I already fucking did.
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4 comments
I’m sorry about what’s happened. I hope you find peace, preferably alive and happy, but peace.
Maybe you need to give up to get up.
Fuck that “Everything happens for a reason” bullshit.
If your life was a fairy tale this would be the moment when you were forced into the dark forest where you would become lost, face your trials and then if you prove yourself find yourself the hero and your way out.
Symbolically Fairy tales represent life’s transitional points so happy ever after is really happy until the next story, the next adventure, the next transition.
Most of us don’t transition well – infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, middle age, old age
Each transition has an important task to be completed:
– Autonomy vs. Shame,
– Initiative vs. Guilt,
– Industry vs. Inferiority,
– Identity vs. Role Confusion,
– Intimacy and Solidarity vs. Isolation,
– Generativity vs. Self absorption or Stagnation,
– Integrity vs. Despair
We travel the road regardless, the transitions are fated by time, the only question if we do so as a hero or not.