i am sorry

..friend i want to share my true story here and with everyone. i have lots of friend who come to me for their problems and together we solve it. But i have no one to share my feelings, no one whom i can call mine, share happiness and specially when i am depressed. Just few min back i had lost my love, my life, my everything. I thought that i can share myself with him but he left me for my mistakes. I am really addicted to him and i cant think one sec away from him or without him. I fear i might take wrong step in depression. this guy has  hurt me before too and i have tried to cut my wrist several times. Tonight i may take sleeping pills to finish up everything. But before i  die i want to make confession here. Love if you are reading this plz dont feel its silly. maybe you are right i cant do anything in my life and you are so confident about that. Just look at me, u have pushed me so far that i am doing things like this. i am sorry for everything, maybe i cant fix this but i tried hard and in every ways. i fight, i cried, i irritated  you, i call you like a mad but every time, i get the same response, your anger. you are so cold, so aggressive and rude but you loved me in your own way, some how i feel that you will never leave me and will love me. but in anger you say things that kills me and seriously i want to die. when you leave me. all i do is cry cry cry and starve myself for days, i locked up myself. you are right i am insane, stupid and maybe u have given too many chances to rectify my mistakes but we end up fighting again. be happy where ever you go, i wont bother you anymore. i dont want to ruin your life by sticking to you. its pains so much when you don’t love me back and when you hit me in anger. but all i wanted is happiness for both. if i am the reason for your failures, for your good i will go away no matter how much it hurts. you know i hurts like hell to be without you, you know i caught up fever know coz i have been crying continuously. yes i dreamt of spending my whole life with you but u find it so silly, you think i will ruin your family too. am i so bad or a badluck for you. i am still seeing psychologist and having medicines, its not my past, you are pushing me that way. don’t you see how much mad you made me after getting into this relation but did i have ever complaint you that you are not perfect or did i have ever blamed you about anything . no one is perfect not even you deepak. i have never meant to hurt u intentionally. you know when you smile i forget every sorrow, anger. your smile is so precious to me. i wanted it forever like a gift from God but you have taken it away. all i wanted is to spent time with you and when you leave me every time, it pains and that’s y i get angry. every thing i did is only to stop you and to love me back but may be my way is wrong. after seeing her pics it really hurts, i cant see anyone else in your life and i cant bear that you still think of her. ask any gal in this world, who is ready to accept the fact that her boyfriend is still keeping his ex pics. but only to have you in my life, i may accept that too, just see how hopeless you made me. where is my happiness? when we take small walks, have food together, when i give you treats and when we fight for the last piece left, when i hug you tight. i seriously never meant anything to you, just a bundle of shit and unhappiness, a burden that you have carried in this 2 yrs of relation. i don’t know what to do. i just wanna die. u never understood me, who this person really is. you have seen me killing insects but have you ever seen me feeding that hungry dog, u seen me fighting, but dint u notice after every fight i call you whole night, i wait and wake whole night only to get your response, haven’t you notice i wait after having my dinner outside after we fight, haven’t you notice i wear traditional just to get your attention  haven’t you notice i cook so that you can get something really good to eat, haven’t you notice, i don’t have a single penny but i still manage to give you. u r just the same as world always seen the baddest part of me but i love you, u still manage to love me once. if you find happiness in ignoring me, getting away from me than just go. i know i will try to stop you but u just go…..