I’m not afraid to die!

“In the end
As you fade into the night
Who will tell the story of your life
And who will remember your last goodbye
Cause it’s the end and I’m not afraid
I’m not afraid to die”

I’ve been really angry and full of hate lately, It makes me feel like crap when I take my issues out on the people I’m close to because nobody knows about the thoughts I’ve been having except the people on suicideproject and one person I know who doesn’t talk to my family and friends, I guess because they don’t know how I feel they don’t get why I’ve been grumpy and sleeping all day, they just think I’m being a moody fucking ***** I suppose, which would explain why I hardly see any of my old friends and why my ex left me (Or it could just be self-pitying crap). I just never feel good enough for anyone, whenever I do something right from the start I feel like I know I’m going to majorly fuck it all up soon anyway.  I never let myself get happy or excited about anything because i never expect it to last long, something always fucks up as soon as I finally become happy again. I cry so easily now almost for no reason, which hurts mostly because I’ve always been the strong one who looks after her friends when they’re going through hard times and depression now I cry every time I’m alone and no one  knows, or cares. I’ve been thinking a lot about cutting lately but so far I’ve not actually gone through with it which I’m quite proud of, its been around five years since the last time I hurt myself and I would love if it stays that way but in the last few months everything has just been building up inside I’m just waiting for everything else to come crashing down like the mess I am on the inside.