You know what’s funny? I’m sitting with a group of people, and none of them have any idea that I’m on a suicide website. My counselor says that I need to find someone that I can trust, but there isn’t anyone you can trust with suicidal thoughts. It puts them in a bad position. They either do nothing and then have to blame themselves when you go through with it or they report you to someone. It’s like, I just want to tell someone without them feeling responsible for me. What they don’t get is that my suicide is not a bad thing. For everyone, it’s a good thing. I want to trust my friends, because I love them, and they’re great people. But who wants to be that crazy friend who’s a burden on everyone. Not to mention, I had someone I could talk to, and he doesn’t want me anymore. He never did. He played me–made me trust him just to see how hurt I’d be when he bailed. I don’t think I can take anymore pain. But I want to follow her advice, because I want to be better. It’s just not as easy as it sounds. She doesn’t really see how much people have hurt me in the past.
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Well, keep working with your counselor — She’s there to help you. And even if, for some reason, that relationship doesn’t work out — There’s always someone else out there who can. If you’d like to talk to someone else, please consider contacting someone, say at http://www.integralcounseling.org/ … I believe you can talk to people over the phone, possible over email, and if you don’t want to spend much money, they can certainly accomodate you. Just call! You have nothing to lose.