After I lost my friend, I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, I wound up joining the wrong crowd. I was always a little bit of a drinker, I mean I liked the taste. But I got a little too tipsy one night, and I wound up sleeping with this guy whose last name I still don’t even know. I wound up getting pregnant after that, but I tragically lost the baby before I could even tell anyone, including my family. I wound up spiraling down into depression and “cutting” and I was just in a funk. As soon as I […]
Please I ask of thee, but listen to me and tell me ,if Iam mad. Life around us is in toil and pain ,sleep is short. Leaving me alone, to pounder the ifs and whatâ€™s ,where and why. when is my mine ever Â going to see peace in my waking day . Was I born this way? to walk amuck the stranger an imperfect human. Mocking my way, and wondering. who is that strange person. Â Nor do I look and ask the same, from my point of view. Long Days and Nights have past. Â has it gone ,what is it that I am supposed to […]
Does anyone else often feel like they don’t matter? Like they’re alone in a crowd? Even amongst people who should be my friends, I feel like I don’t belong. Then again, I don’t think these people are real friends. Yesterday, I was at another party. Sitting there among a circle of people I know (people who are supposedly my friends), watching them talk and laugh about things that deep down I can’t truly relate to, I have never felt so alienated and disconnected. It was like I was an audience member watching a show I didn’t really enjoy or find all that funny.
It always seems […]
The worst fear in my life is not that i will lead a lonely life but that the loneliness will drive me insane.
Even when I am in the midst of a huge crowd, a familiar crowd of friends and relatives, that feeling of loneliness creeps in and sometimes pushes me into that unholy pool of madness… where the first impulse is to hide from everyone, the second is a strong desire to run away from everythingÂ and everyone,and then i get caught up in a feeling of despair… at how helpless and useless i am and then the doubts about why i am here to […]
â€œI donâ€™t understand.â€ said my mom. â€œDonâ€™t understand what?â€ i ask. but she brushed me off, she ignored me..it was as if she couldnâ€™t even hear me. â€œI donâ€™t quite understand why she did it either, but, I am very sorry for your loss Maâ€™am.â€ Said a woman in a nurses uniform. Who were they talking about? What lossâ€¦? â€œSweetieâ€ says my mom to my Step-Dad, â€œI-I have to go, I canâ€™t look at her like this.â€ she says with an on-slaught of tears streaming down. Who? â€œSeriously guys, what happened? Who died?!â€ I say panicked. Why werenâ€™t they answering me? Why werenâ€™t they looking […]
I’m not expecting much. There’s little risk here.
A man jumps from the tenth story of a building. A crowd gathers – though not too close – to the scene of the act. You always need one person to alarm the ambulance; perhaps one to call the police, too. Â I’d recommend someone to clean up the mess.
The rest are mere witnesses. In all, a heartbreak for a few, an inconvenience for some, perhaps an envious end for others.
Now, there is someone else: the person looking down from the ledge. It’s hard to see them, as they’re so high up. There’s the obvious distraction down below, as […]
She is cutting again
she cant hide here pain
blood flowing from her veins
and they call her insance
She is insecure again
but the marks she made
in her room last night
with the only way she finds
She is pulling her sleeves down
she is crying all along
the way to her school
is not so far
She is afraid
to face the crowd
she better know
they will make her drown
she don’t want
to go back to the place
full of insults
and an unwanted pain
they call it school
she calls it hell
because that’s the only place
where she lost herself
she is down again
but it’s not her fault
why every time she should pay
She is going back
to her home
but she cant bear
My Freshman school year was complete utter hell. The summer before freshman year was something you would normally only have written in a crazy book or a fake story someone made up. I was a young 14 year old who was in a abusive relationship and after it was broken off it followed me into my first year of high school. He was telling everyone a bunch of insane stories about how we had sex everyday and he spent the night almost every weekend. The only time I ever saw him was when he was standing at my locker and then he either was asking […]
Has anyone else ever taken an Ambien? One pill knocks me out within 15 minutes. That’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is that it wipes out all memory for those few minutes leading up to unconsciousness.
I know it would take at least 1000 pills to kill me, so that’s not what I’m posting about. But something about those few minutes of blackout is interesting. People who have seen me on ambien say i just lie down and I’m out cold, no amout of noise or shaking can get through.
What if, for example, I were to take a dozen pills and then go swimming […]
I was at a bar tonight with some friends. They were there to have fun, i just wanted to drink my sorrows away. All my mistakes, my fuck-ups. Trying to forget about how im failing at this sick game called life. I was thinking how nobody else understands me, how alone I feel. I know some people know what Im going through, but nobody here. I was just crowd watching, watching how happy everyone is. Feeling how sad I am. Then I saw a gorgeous girl walk by. I was just checkin her out, knowing how far out of my league she is. Then i […]
You know what’s funny? I’m sitting with a group of people, and none of them have any idea that I’m on a suicide website. My counselor says that I need to find someone that I can trust, but there isn’t anyone you can trust with suicidal thoughts. It puts them in a bad position. They either do nothing and then have to blame themselves when you go through with it or they report you to someone. It’s like, I just want to tell someone without them feeling responsible for me. What they don’t get is that my suicide is not a bad thing. For everyone, […]
I hate my kind.
I hate their faces, their ignorant smiles. I’ve grown to hate them indisciminatly. What the fuck is wrong with those people? Hollow minds inside puppets made to walk with rotten strings. Let yourself fall into the bliss of mindless simplicity. Almost life a hivemind, brainwashed and seemingly happy with it.
Go with the crowd or fall with the trash.
I do not claim to be a saint nor have my 21 years of existence given me enough experience in the way of life, but is it just me or everything seems so twisted. What happened to sincerity, kindness, generosity? All those concepts are almost […]
are you still with me…no…ok…good biy ( this is espeshaley for dave_n and whating for the light and the people who made me feel agen in 5 years)
are you still with me
do you still care
if i were to diy tomorow
wood you even note
the one who calld out in silens
in the boling crowd
the one who was forgoten
never to be known
drownd out by the back grownd nose
that titend rownd his nakid from
and sqwesd the air from with in
know my cuts tell storeys
that no man can tell
know my songs are sagas
that make sens to only me
when you here a war cry
will you think of me
my words are so much like it
with the cold hate and empthey
IM SHOUTING FROM THE ROOF TOPS !
CRYING TO THE WOLD !
WHY AM I INVISBUL !
DEAD TO THE WOLD !
ALL THE […]
“william Lewis shut the fuckÂ or and piss off”
“what were the fuck am i”
the boy leans down from the tree
“you fucking spas your at school”
“ok i know that thank you ow wtf”
i look down and see the fag in my hand its bernd my thrum
“where did i get this fag from”
“me you twit” LouisÂ looks out of the crowd of boys smoking
the bern terns in to a bone the Bone drops off all of a suddenly i feel despair stab my heart and the fag terns in to a scalpel
“wtf” i say freaked out now
“go on then you dick do it”
i loos control as the dream […]
you know that life is like a ticking clock nobody knows when its gonna stop before im gone i need to touch someone with a word with a kiss with a decent song
and it gets lonely when you live out loud when the truth that you seek isnt in this crowd you better find your voice better make it loud we gotta burn like fire or we’ll just burn out
*** *** dolls rebel love song.
Man, it’s been a long day
Stuck thinking ’bout it driving on the freeway
Wondering if I really tried everything I could
Not knowing if I should try a little […]
You must’ve a been in a place so dark, couldn’t feel the light
Reachin’ for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can’t be the way you meant to draw a crowd
Oh why, that’s what I keep askin’
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I, had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong, and why you’d leave the stage in the middle of a song
Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Roundin’ third to score that winning run
Stand fast, Hold your ground, You’re doing great kid, Can’t you hear the crowd, Everyone’s singing, Yeah you’re singing with me….
I remember, The Tuesday before I got admitted.. I was walking down a street going to buy a rope. I looked across the street and this old couple were walking together.. Apart from he was in a wheelchair hooked up to what looked like oxygen. It was a sad sight.. But I kept going.. To see a mother with her children.
All just got me thinking. And now? I’ve found out something else that has literally driven me crazy. I just want my happy back.
Stop blaming yourself Nat, You couldn’t have possibly done that. Don’t listen to them.
You were doing great Nat, But nothing lasts forever, […]
my name is heather im 22 years old and im tired of living. i smile and laugh in a crowd and secretly plan my demise. i dont have the normal reasons why people want to die (if there are normal reasons) im attractive people say. i am a college student and i have a bf. but im just so tired of existing. i fantasize about death almost everyday. im alone in a crowded room, and i cant handle the stress of my past anymore. I plan on overdosing in a forest its a nature center that has trails preston would be so proud lol. but […]
While I share a variety of similar issues and reasons for being depressed than most of you here; I’ve recently come to realize that as time has gone by, one of the main reasons for me wanting to die has become, as shallow but sincere as it sounds: PRIDE. Yes. Before this crisis (I’ve had many) started I used to be looked up to and even though I paid a very high price to mantain an image of myself that wasn’t quite real, I felt semi-comfortable and semi-proud to be there. But now, ever since people have learned about my failure, the girl is no […]
I consider myself very blessed. I have a good job, I am somewhat successful even though I am not wealthy. My family is did functional but who’s is not. For the last month I have been feeling down. I had a bad break up a while ago and I was doing fine, seeing other people and just having fun. But lately I cannot break free from this hold over me, I hardly eat I am easily angered and I lost interest in my hobbies. I feel as if I am lost in a crowd. I feel like I am doomed to loneliness for eternity. I […]