Took a very unwanted stroll down memory lane, was reminded of all the horrible things that happened in my life that my family blame me for. my parents getting divorced when i was 4 years old… my fault, my dad walking out on me for a woman… also my fault, being constantly reminded that I’m not as good as my siblings and blackening the family name because i’m not perfect… my fault, being called fat and ugly is also my fault because they wouldn’t have to say it if it wasn’t true.
Being reminded of all the years i was bullied in school and all reasons i cut and the reasons i hate my life. Why did it have to happen now? just as i thought i was finally accepting this and starting to get better, this flood of negative emotions coming running back and it’s like they never left, those constant thoughts of suicide and how i even fail at that; I guess it’s true what everyone says “I can’t do anything right”.
2 comments
You work on dealing with all your issues and even progress and boom you find yourself falling back into the hole you were climbing out of.
The past, present and future existing together in the same moment, how can we not fall?
In Norse mythology Odin the All Father and wonderer has two ravens that sit on the shoulders named Muninn (Memory) and Huginn (Thought.)
In native mythology the raven is a trickster, speaker for the dead and co-creator of the world.
The trickster raven, memory and thought, creating our world – speaking for the dead
There is a truth to that image.
We like to think that our experiences are objective that we experience as they are but the reality is that it’s the thoughts and memories we have of experience that we react and respond to! And forget that our thoughts and memories can only come from a past that has passed.
Our thoughts and memories, tricksters unfettered by time and space that create our world!
Odin sacrifices one of his eyes to gain the knowledge of the past, present and future Left with one eye to look outward and one eye to look inward, together to see through the illusion between the outer objective and inner subjective world we create and live in.
The past you are experiencing in your present was real, but also not. Do not forget that your thoughts and memory are tricksters.
I never would have thought about it like that, it’s very inspiring. thank you xx