A large majority of my life I’ve thought about dying. Specifically, my intense, hungry desire to take my own life. I’ve been cutting since age 11, I’m now 22. I hate trying to make my life seem dramatic or depressing, so I always lie and say I’m fine, opting instead to help others. I barely sleep or eat, and I feel like once again, I’m on a downward spiral.
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You’ve hung in there for quite long…i dont know what to say coz i myself am inclined to suicide but i do hope that things will get better in your life and youll be al right! Trust me!
You are not alone!
By telling people you have issues – it doesn’t make you seem as if you’re desperately trying to make your life look dramatic and depressing. You should maybe try opening up to a close friend or family member. They’d most likely prefer to know that you’re not content, than find your corpse at the bottom of the stairs or something.
Tell them you’re not okay – get help.
It’s cheesy, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem – however long yours may be.
All the best. 🙂
@noooo12: how would you respond to someone who was in severe pain from cancer? What if this person was on so many medications that they barely have mental clarity and are in constant pain? Is that a “temporary” problem? Just asking.
Pretending is exhausting.
“…so I always lie and say I’m fine, opting instead to help others.”
I hope you find the same love to help yourself.
Feeling chronically depressed since childhood is something I relate to. It is hard to just feel rotten and worthless. It is a struggle to feel so alone as the world seems to move on…I’m not sure what you’ve tried, but I hope you consider medication and therapy.
@glass_music_cup
No it’s not – the severe pain from cancer usually comes at the end – terminal cancer.
But there’s the chance of recovery – so yeah it can be temporary – non terminal cancer.
This person is in major depression – far as I can tell he/she isn’t suffering from excruciatingly painful cancer. They have a strong chance of losing that deep desire for death. They have the means to get better – either within them or from others.
Why has this person been prescribed enough drugs to completely numb the mind? Seems unlikely to me – unless you’re a senile old man or a war veteran.
@noonoo12, so do you also believe that a family should never take someone off of life support despite 10+ years of being in a coma just “in case” that 5% chance comes through? And what if this person has drained the entire family’s savings and then some? How do you know for certain that things always get better?
Also, how did you come to the conclusion that they have the social support and financial means to seek help?
It just boils down to this….I do not buy the:
1) suicide is selfish
2) it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
I wasn’t even referring that person in my comment to you. I was simply challenging your belief in the cliches.
Finally, no, I am not an older male or a veteran.
Oops, realized I read your last sentence wrong…well, that should teach me not to multi-task. Clearly I shouldn’t be on this type of site o my work computer anyway…
@glass_music_cup
I’m from a different country to you, and I’ve taken to assuming people are from England as I am. I forget that most of the people here are actually Americans.
In England:
To the best of my knowledge the family gets to decide when the life support can be taken off, whether it be immediately (as it was unfortunately with my uncle’s wife) or after a long period of time. The NHS will cover it in England. The cost and trauma of dealing with the experience is covered. I’m fairly certain there will be therapy made available too.
How would this person drain through the savings?
By the way, I’m merely a commenter – have you ever thought that maybe I was trying to deter the person posting from suicide? It’s a feeble attempt, but I’ve never been good at this stuff.
Suicide is selfish – it has a profound effect on people you never would’ve even thought about. It destroys lives, ruins relationships and creates emotional voids.
Most of the time – the people the dead guy was surrounded by, didn’t deserve to have that done to them. It isn’t fair in my eyes.
Permanent solution to a temporary problem – you don’t get a chance to alter anything after you die whereas you could have when you were alive. Once you’re dead – you’re dead. Those problems that were probably going to last until you got help (temporary problems), which could’ve been only a short way down the road. By killing yourself – you don’t get a second chance.
Stop taking the meds – are you a woman?
Or take less.
I”m at work so this will be my last response for a bit.
“By the way, I’m merely a commenter – have you ever thought that maybe I was trying to deter the person posting from suicide? It’s a feeble attempt, but I’ve never been good at this stuff.”
I realized quickly that you are just a commenter who is here to simply deter people. Have you considered your lack of empathy is the reason you have “never been good at this stuff”? Just a thought. Throwing out cliches that everyone has heard of before offers the poster nothing new. It is not innovative and it doesn’t give a new pathway for the poster because they’ve heard it all before.
Why should I stop my meds? I never mentioned that they are an issue for me. For many, depression is a true illness in every physical sense.
@glass_music_cup
Lack of empathy is a big issue of mine.
The way I deal with stuff isn’t really something I’d recommend to anyone, but sometimes people just want confirmation that someone is actually listening. And I can do that. I may not offer sound advice or anything that helps, but sometimes I can make someone feel just that little bit better.
The most I could suggest would be to completely beat the shit out of something.
Hopefully not a person, but to envision it as one.
They can be addictive you know – I’d ease up if I were to take them over a long term basis.
Coming from a background in psychology and some coursework in clinical psych (no need to point out irony), active listening is preferable to “giving advice” in these types of situations. Suicide crisis hotlines always advertise that they are not there to give advice. They use “reflective listening.” Basically, the premise of it is just listening, and expressing that you hear their words with no judgement. It is hard to do, which is why I could never be a practitioner. Unless someone specifically asks for it, advice isn’t what people are seeking when they come here. Usually they just want what you are willing to offer–a chance to be heard, a reminder that they exist and matter.
You are right–it is very great that you are here to listen, and I’m sure you have helped a lot of people by just being here.
I have to say you are a very articulate and smart child. I hope you carry this wisdom for years to come! The future has hope:)
P.S.
I apologize for sounding bitter earlier. I had some afternoon coffee and feel a little better:)!
@glass_music_cup
…I did not know that, but I do feel better about my shitty attempts to help now.
Thanks for the compliment 🙂
You never said if you were a man or a woman.
Are you both?
@noonoo12, don’t be sorry. You have no reason to be.
I am a woman in terms of age, but my emotional age is probably something like that of a kindergartener…
@glass_music_cup
How can you be a woman in terms of age….?
How old are you?
I’m 28. But I’m rather immature and emotionally stunted. Basically, I’m an emotional mess
@glass_music_cup
Nah, I don’t think you’re immature.
You seem older than you are – not a bad thing.
Why and how are you an “emotional mess”?
S0r4,
I feel you there. The anticipation of a new cycle can be one of the most horrible things you can go through, often far exceeding the actual mood issues themselves when it comes to anxiety and hopelessness. Medication can help some people, for some it makes things worse.
The BEST things are really regular sleeping patterns (easier said than done I know, I’m a severe insomniac myself), exercise, SUNLIGHT (loath it myself but it can have a profound effect on your moods, and dietary issues. Just throwing some things out there.
Also, NEVER feel bad about coming off as overly dramatic or depressing here. That’s kinda the whole point. We are depressed and this is authentic high-drama for all parties concerned. Concentrate on what is going on with you, not how it is going to look or make YOU look. You are in pain and you are desperate; these are facts, not things that need to be justified or character flaws that you need be ashamed of.
That, in or itself, can be a way of avoiding the real issues and don’t fall into that trap. If you really are that terrible then people will line up to tell you so, you need not worry about it being covered. It is another avoidance trick that everyone going through this kind of thing is in constant danger of.
Whatever comes, whatever you end up deciding to do, do not let the fear of it lead you by the nose. Just some thoughts and I apologize if I am sounding trite at all, but I really relate to what you are saying and these things have been greatly on my mind as well. Hang in there.