I’m tired. My body detests me. I’ve put it through hell. The scars can attest to that. I can’t fall asleep without a drink in me. I close my eyes at two in the morning and wake up to non existing screaming a couple hours later. The men in my life have all disappointed me. I’ve been bought off with money and sex. And yet, whose to say that it’s not my fault as well? I can’t find worth in myself. I don’t know if I’m pretty or pretty stupid. I don’t know. At the time I sure as hell didn’t care. I just want to have that trust and connection with someone, even if its for a brief moment. The man I have trusted for 7 years fucked our relationship over. OUR relationship. I am not that fucking selfish to say “me”. He fucked “us” over. But hell I know that what I did was my fault, I chose to retaliate like that but I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel sick and tired. I feel lost and I surrender to whatever wants to take my body. My soul has long been broken and gone. It’s so exhausting being angry all the time. It takes all your energy to just contain it. It poisons your body.
He will be the end of me. He will finish me off and I can’t do anything to stop it. I’m not sure I want to.  I wonder if the battle with life counts and the Valkyrie will carry my bloodied body to Valhalla. I hear all kinds of problems, and I know that the most horrible thing you can tell them is that they should be lucky to be alive. Because even taking a breath can be agonizing. So… here’s us. The ones with the problems and the ones just willing to listen. Just listen.
4 comments
I wonder if you’re my wife, you sound a lot like her, and the timing is identical! I listened 🙂
no, i’m not married.
Sad and savage are we who come
To seek the blessings of twilight.
Rough and rude we bend but a knee,
Ghosting a lost humility.
Fear leaves us bound to be burned by
Everything we seek to enflame,
Dinner for every predator
Wearing the skin of our species.
thanks for reading my post and replying. i really luvd what you wrote.