I’m in a place where no one takes me as a human being. My parents are narrow minded and strict. My real friends are on the other side of the world but this is their exam time so they cant spend too much time on me. The so-called “friends” I have here talks to me only when they need something. I don’t have anyone who can support me. Some people say that ‘You don’t need support from others. Support yourself all the way!” Its true. After all, it’s reality too. But I’ve been trying to support myself for years. I always tend to feel weak and I’m a small petite person – the idea of ever crying out to people or seeking comfort from friends who sincerely don’t really care – it makes me feel so small.
I wanna survive this painful torture of loneliness. Because I’m hopeful and I know I can. It’s just… I can feel all that sadness and grief slowly bottling up inside of me. Waiting to explode and break the already small person I am into tiny bits and pieces….
5 comments
I really hate the way i think this will sound, but…
It is my experience that parents are often full of shit.
That’s not to say they know nothing, or that their words aren’t worth knowing… but rather that they definitely don’t know everything, and they likely know less about the modern world than they’d like you to believe they do, and they will often fill gaps of insecurity and uncertainty with what they think you need to hear, rather than the truth. I think if you listen to them, you’ll know when they’re right… and you probably won’t always like it when they are, but they are sometimes.
I speak from experience on this as well: find something to occupy yourself, that you enjoy doing… that is either better alone, or requires you to be alone. Find something you have to be alone to enjoy… and when you’re feeling lonely, do the hell out of it.
If people didn’t need support from others, no one would ever be lonely.
Try not to need it more than you must.
Sometimes you just have to be lonely, and there’s no way around it. If you take care of yourself, there’s a higher chance that you won’t be lonely often.
I really wanna thank you guys. The comments actually made me feel alot better since that day when I posted this post. Like for once in my life, I don’t feel like I’m talking to a wall. You see, I was always a left out member among my so-called friends. Like there’s 5 of us and whatever events they have, they never include me in the discussion or even the entire event as a whole. So, I tried seeking other forms of support like my school counselor or having emo-convos with my bf. But then, recently, my grandfather passed away. And he was really a young man in an old man’s body. He joked around alot with me, he brought me out to chillax every once in a while and he tend to encourage me alot. But when he got sick, there wasnt much I could do to made his last days the best. In fact, I couldn’t even be there for him. Then after my grandfather’s passing, I found out that my boyfriend, well now ex, cheated on me. And then, I got really lost. I felt like i couldnt trust anyone. I also really missed my grandfather. And somehow, every single time I get left out by my friends now feels twice as worst when compared to the past. 🙁
agree with clevername but with one exception; it may be a good idea to try to cope with the loneliness but I don’t think one should force solitude.
I tried that… Its stagnation. Its a bad idea.
You should try to find hobbies you can enjoy alone AND additional hobbies that involve others.
Anyway, you sound a lot like me.
I have plenty of free time if you want to talk and be lonely with someone else :p
@lildoll- i’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. That does sound like a very difficult situation. If i were in your circumstance, i’d want to be alone for a while, but i realize that might not be what’s right for everyone else. I won’t say you shouldn’t be upset about being cheated on, or that you shouldn’t be sad about your grandfather’s passing, and i doubt there is much anyone could say, to lessen the impact of going through both of those things at the same time… but i can bet that your grandfather would have probably told you that your now-ex-bf obviously doesn’t deserve you, and he wouldn’t want you to dwell on a guy who would hurt you like that. He’d probably tell you you’re better than that, and while he’d understand your sadness from his passing, he’d want you to be okay.
@ataraxia- i meant it more as a contingency plan, for those times when company isn’t a choice, or only the choice of company that mistreats you, is available. But i do think that sometimes people need to be alone, and that people need to be able to handle being alone, when alone is the only option… and it certainly helps to have an enjoyable activity (or three) lined up… perhaps even planned. I didn’t mean to imply isolation as a long-term policy. lol. Obviously, the best cure for loneliness is the company of other beings… but being occupied alone, is better than being around people who often exclude you from their activities. (imo)
@clevername Indeed. It’s better to not rely on shitty “friends”. It was painful at first, but now I couldn’t care less about them.
I’m off to make new ones worthy of my loyalty.
@lildoll it might sound cliche but you will find someone better.
My grandfather recently passed away as well. I find thinking about fond memories helps.