I used to be exceptional; now, I’m the exception.

I’m in college and I’m an engineering major.  I have found engineering to be quite a difficult major and have almost failed a few classes.  That being said, I have been accepted into a program that is for the elite of my school.  I don’t belong there anymore and I want so much to remove myself from the program.  In fact, I was going to gracefully do so in February, but someone found out before me and told all of my friends.

Sometimes, I wish I could just quit engineering, but I’m in love with it so much.  I love physics and math even if I don’t understand those subjects.  I fear losing my scholarship at my school because my GPA is damaged from last quarter.  I’m damaged from last quarter.

Whatever you do, don’t look at my arm because all you’ll find is the cracks resurfacing from last quarter.  I can feel myself breaking and falling to pieces in my mind.  I am physically trying to rip myself apart because I can’t take the mental strain.  Sometimes, I want to jump into a pool and drown myself so I don’t have to worry anymore.

The only good part of this process is that my friends are by my side and willing to help me at any cost.  I want to be better.  I want to forget that these last 6 months ever happened.  I want to move on.  I just hope I can do so this quarter.