I had 4 public speaking engagements in three days, I taught a class and then went to a kick off for a charity walk. No classes this week – spring break. I still have a shitload of homework to do but I am about to leave for Niagara Falls to gamble for a 3 day vacation. I am on the Deans list with honors 4 semesters in a row but I think this class I’m taking is going to drop my GPA. So I joined a couple honor societies while I still have the GPA to be invited to these things. I need something to […]
Well hello there! One of the many depressed among this site.(: I’m in depression, thinking about suicide, so I’m seeking help because God knows what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I wonder why i’m told “Don’t kill yourself!” because I don’t really see the point of living. The only thing keeping me in this fucked up world is because I’m afraid of Hell. Yes, I’m a Christian. (:
Why do people try so hard to live? Even if i were to live, and live a better life, have nice house, nice cars,a nice someone that loves me, I really wouldn’t care. People work so hard […]
I’m in college and I’m an engineering major. Â I have found engineering to be quite a difficult major and have almost failed a few classes. Â That being said, I have been accepted into a program that is for the elite of my school. Â I don’t belong there anymore and I want so much to remove myself from the program. Â In fact, I was going to gracefully do so in February, but someone found out before me and told all of my friends.
Sometimes, I wish I could just quit engineering, but I’m in love with it so much. Â I love physics and math even if I […]
I told my parents that I am bipolar-2 and that they must not tell anybody in the family or outside the family before I explain what that means. Â People think bipolar = crazy, schizophrenic, split personality, criminal, nuts… Â you get the idea. Â These types of labels pretty much sink a person’s life completely.
Nobody wants to hire you. Â No one that was in your social circle would be a recommendation. Â No job prospects. Â Not money. Â No lady wants to be with a man who cannot even get a job. Â Family throws you out because they think that the reason you can’t find a job is because […]
I have missed three psychiatry appointments because I don’t want someone to tell me I’m depressed nor do I want to believe in the existence of depression.Â (Which is a damn contradiction cause I’m a psych major and I know it does). I don’t want pills. I don’t want to talk about how I feel. The furthest I ever got to getting help was to the door of my psychiatrist’s office. I freaked out and left. I’m doing a half-ass job in everything. My GPA went down wayyy low. Money, my biggest motivator doesn’t even wake me up in the morning for work anymore. Guess […]
So I am about to turn 30 in about a month. Looking back at the past 17 years of my life (of which, parts of 12 years spent on struggling with depression/suicidal thoughts), it has been a roller-coaster ride. Here are some highlights. I don’t expect you to be interested in my life story, but if you have time, read on!
17 years ago, I migrated to Texas, and started in an ultra conservative high school. Language barrier was one, but being bullied non stop for not speaking English well was another. It was even worse being bullied for trying to learn English. My responseÂ was […]
I have a great life: wonderful friends, supportive family, Ivy-league education, but I am tired of all of this.
I can’t concentrate on my school work. When I read something, I the words flutter across the page and land in a jumbled mess that I can’t decipher; when I’m with friends, their conversations fade in and out, and I can’t follow what’s going on half the time. My parents, although they don’t wish for anything but my happiness, are always concerned about how I am, which makes me even more stressed and I never tell them how I am really feeling, because I think that […]
I’ve hit it. I’m a 19 year old gay male and i’ve been crying my eyes out for so many nights now. I want to just end it all..I am so miserable and lonely. I’ve brought most of this on myself I guess…i think I have herpes and it fucking disgusts me. I hate these fucking sores on my lips…why did I have to do this to myself? I feel like such a disgusting whore. I miss my exboyfriend and I wish i could have done more for him..instead I fucked up. I fuck everything up. I don’t know why I was brought intothis world…both […]
Warning: May Ramble
Note: as I type this, I feel calm and acceptance of this
For the past five days, I felt a lot like Noble Six. Crap starts showing up, the ones you’re freinds with are gone, and you’re stuck dealing with a Massive amount of problems.
Unlike Spartan B-312 though, I wasn’t fighting Covenant to save others, I was fighting to save myself. If for no other reason than to fufill a random dream; that of me helping others ready to quit, helping them back on their feet to fight back against the crappy dog-eat-dog world of today.
The past five days were my worst; always […]
I found this site awhile back on one of my endless google searches for “suicide” and the like, and I’ve been putting off joining and posting until I had a more concrete idea of how the rest of my life was going to play out.
Now I know that it isn’t going to play out for very much longer. I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I would kill myself eventually, I’ve never been really, truly happy and have never had the help or the will to get better, so it really was just a matter of how long it would take my […]
To sum things up, I don’t like my life.
By no stretch of the imagination is my life the worst. The hardest, the most miserable. But I still hate living.
My childhood was verbally abusive. I live with the constant guilt of driving a loved one to their death because of my neglect. I was molested in the 7th grade. My friends don’t ever invite me to their social gatherings, though I guess I wouldn’t want to hang around with me either.
My family and myself are in deep shit financially.
In school, I have advanced classes. Did well on the SATs, state tests, the like. But […]
i dont really know why i’m doing this. i really want someone to help meÂ i guess. i’m turning to everyone i know and theyre just leaving me. this is the only way i can talk to someone. and i realize that most of the stuff that has happened to me is not as severe as some other people. but it still hurts. and i want someone to listen. and all of this is so scattered. i’ll apologize now for the random parts. and skipping around. i just have so much to say. and i dont know how to fit it all together.
so my best friend […]