I’m done .

Hey everyone !
I guess I just need some place safe to share my story before I put an end to it.

I am almost 18 now and since the day I was born I never found anything that was worth living for.
My dad used to beat up my mom , so I would stay with my grandma sometimes , so that I didn’t have to witness it. Growing up my mom ended up finding a way to escape with me and my brothers.
We were okay for a while…
My dad didn’t care about me anymore , and I had serious self esteem issues. All that led to series of self-harming sessions.
About 3years ago we moved to another country. I had to make new friends , learn to speak the language and the 1st year was really hard. So self-harming continued.
About a year ago my 1st boyfriend left me and I tried to commit suicide. I can assure you I spent the most horrible night of my lie in the hospital. But the worst part is , everyone kept saying I was really lucky to be alive.
I didn’t feel lucky at all , and I still don’t.
A year passed by and my oncle died of cancer.
My cousin , the only person that could understand me , moved away with her boyfriend because like me , she couldn’t stand living with these people anymore.
I found this guy. This dammaged poor guy. I loved him like I never loved someone in my life. I’m the kind of person that gets on with people really easy , but also leaves them really easy. But he was different.
I’m insane , and so is he.
Now he left me , because I took him for granted.
My mom spends her whole day in front on the computer , she is alone.
I hate her more than everything in this world. The other day she told me that never in her life she could imagine this kind of relationship with one of her kids.
She told me I should quit school , get a job and find a nice guy to start my life with.
She is insane too , she tatooed the name of a fake profile she met on the internet .
I can’t even remmember the last time she hugged me and actually meant it.
Anyways , I can’t repaire any of that. I can’t repaire myself no more.
I am broken , and I need a way out.