I dont think I actually want to die. What I want is to pull up a website that will let me completely change myself. Change my personality, my body.
My boyfriend thinks I’m insane. He doesnt like for me to touch him. He thinks I have serious emotional issues. Tonight I threw my phone at him bc he hurt my feelings.
I feel like I have too many thoughts and feelings inside my head and I don’t know how to process them all. I can’t write or talk about them bc I can’t organise them in a way that makes any fuckin sense. When I talk about my thoughts and feelings I just get confused and angry.
So I don’t talk about them. I just sit on all of my insanity till it explodes and I throw my phone at my bfs face. Yep. That’s typical Liv.
Ever try just writing to yourself to get your thoughts out? If you’re a fast typer, using a computer is even better since hand writing slows down the process. It doesn’t need to make sense, noone else has to read it, you don’t even have to read it after you’re done. Just to get all the thoughts out. But I know what you mean about having so many jumbled thoughts that you can’t even express them. I spend way too much time thinking.
Not good to be throwing stuff at your bf though. Also not fair, we all see in modern society how insane everyone gets if a guy ever hits a girl. Well, it’s not exactly acceptable to get a phone thrown at your face either. So uh… do your best to try to curb that behavior because it still qualifies as violence/abuse in a relationship.
Okay so, you have a “boyfriend,” who “thinks you’re insane” and “doesn’t like you to touch him?”
You’ve both got problems.
But that’s no reason to abuse each other.
I agree with riverrun – just write. Years of built up psychological issues are not going to be solved overnight, or even in a week or two. Prepare to give yourself the attention you deserve from yourself, so that you can have a chance to work through what is bothering you.
And stop hurling items at people’s faces. How would you feel if you put someone’s eye out? What if you have to buy a new phone? What if he decides to retaliate?
Think before do.