I don’t know if many people on here read my posts. I don’t have a lot anyway, but I still keep posting in the hope that maybe someone will be able to help me in the comments. I don’t need help preserving my life. I need help ending it. My life is definitely not worth preserving. I’m so sick of all the sadness I feel each day. Every day I’m sad, lonely, miserable, disconnected from they few people that I know sort of well. Their not even real friends. I’ve thought very long and hard about this and I’ve decided that death is the only option. I’ve been doing some research and I think I have a pretty solid plan for ending my life. The only problem is, how do I know when I’m ready? I want to make sure I have gained enough knowledge to be able to kill myself properly the first try and I’m pretty sure I have a fairly good understanding of how my selected methods work, but how do I know when I have learned everything I need to learn? How do I know when my research is completed and the time to act has come? In case anyone is interested, I have decided to use an exit bag with barbituate medications first, and if that fails, I will follow up with ******** and an exit bag. So if anyone has any tips or useful info for me that you can slip past the mods that would be great. Because I’m really sick of this world. Nothing can cure me. I’m so tired of being rejected, humiliated, bullied, and… I’m just so tired. I’m just so tired in more ways than one. I can’t even begin to describe my problems in one post. It would take too long. And I’m tired. Problems this big and this numerous can’t be cured with antidepressants and counseling. The only cure to my miserable life is death. Will anyone miss me? I doubt it. What am I anyway? I’m a nobody. I have only a couple friends, I’m not very close to them. I’m not close to my family. I’m pretty much all alone. They won’t even notice I’m gone. It might be noticed when I don’t show up for work, but they all mistreat me there anyway, so I don’t care if I leave them behind. I have to go soon. I’m just impatiently waiting for the right time. I know it has to be soon. I hope it presents itself quickly and clearly. Until then, I guess I’ll just have to keep researching and making last minute preparations.
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11 comments
You got barbs? Damn you lucky dog. Don’t forget the prescription antiemetics. OTC won’t work. How’d u get barbs anyways? You must be outta the US.
wich is a good antiemetic?
wow… all that effort in perfecting the way to die. Maby you are not that tired afterall? It looks like you found something you like doing – researching about ways to die. It is OK as long as you dont actually do it. I think it helps you take your minde of other stuff that boders you.
@calimike Actually I don’t have barbs… I originally thought that I could just go to a drug store and buy a couple bottles of sleeping pills made with barbiturates or something, but by the sound of your comment maybe I’m wrong?
@smusmu The only reason why I am putting in so much effort trying to perfect my suicide plan is because I really don’t want screw up and end up brain dead or worse; still alive but with even more problems than before. Not to mention, according to my plan, this is going to leave me homeless and jobless, so I really can’t screw up. I have to do this right the first time.
My 17 year old brother commited suicide 1 week ago. He thought nobody loves him and nobody cares. Boy was he wrong! I wasnt a happy teenager eather, but I decided to change my life not to end it. I left home on my 18. birthday. I am glad I decided that way – I love to live now. My point is – never give up! Life is the way you make it.
If you are in a first world country and believe they put barbituates in sleeping pills man you don’t even have a clue.
@unlovable_me: From what you wrote, I felt quite a bit of your frustration, anger, hurt, and determination. I don’t have answers, but I wanted to drop you a kind line. I think you bring up some deeply unsettling points about the way we treat each other and the challenge of social life. Others who’ve decided life is right for them–who’re even understandably lamenting the loss of a loved one–will almost always tell you what is right for you, even though they don’t have to live your life and cannot–wouldn’t even if they could–be with you in your pain. You sound like a contemplative and bright mind, so I’m sure you know how to deal with their type of reasoning (built chiefly on their particular values).
Like I said, I have no answers. If I did, I’d use them myself. But if it matters to you at all now, there are some of us out here who empathize with you. We “get it.” And maybe you’ll feel in knowing that a little less alone? I wish I knew you so these words might mean much more to you…
@calimike, yea I guess I don’t. I’m still learning this stuff. I just thought I had read somewhere that they at least used to in the past… like I said, idk. Do you know anything about where I could obtain some barbs?
thank you @IowaGirl. I completely understand where other people are coming from when they tell me what is right for me. They want to help and I can appreciate that. I don’t have the same life experiences as some people, other people don’t have the same life experiences as me. We all experience life differently. But just because other people may not agree with my death wish based on their own standard of living, that doesn’t mean that I’m not living in some sort of pain. I am living in a pain that is relevant to me. However, even if other people may not know exactly what I’m going through, it does bring a little comfort to know that there some out there who do “get it.” That’s why I do sometimes write posts on here.
Unlovable_me – have you found anyone to help you – I am in the same situation and am looking for advice.