I don’t want this.
I hate this situation.
I’m lonely and desperate.
I hate myself.
I hate him.
I hate all the people wo kid me.
I don’t want this anymore.
No one there to hold me.
My fault.
Shouldn’t let him go.
But it’s not better with him.
It’s the biggest mistake to burn the letters of somebody’s name on your skin. Why I did it again? All those words. They’re more than just scars. I know it’s a mistake
When I see him it pulls me to him. But at the same moment I want to run away. Mostly I run. Too much pain.
I’m so afraid.
There’s nearly no one there.
What if he leaves me too? I know I can’t expect that from him but I want him to be there for me. I just can’t live without him even if it’s no sexual love anymore.______________________________________________
Failed at the challenge the first day.I’m just not strong enough.
I didn’t eat anything since nearly 2 days. But then I got weak. Why?
I didn’t want to meet or see him anymore. But then I saw him today. It was too much. He didn’t even notice me. Like everyday in the past 2 month. Why? I don’t know. I want to know. No. I want him to treat me like a friend. Not like a stranger.
I didn’t want to do it again. Why did I? ‘Cause I need someone around me. I need him around me. Or anybody else, but he would be the greatest gift.
Again I think about ending this life.
Not because of that boy. That would be ridicolous.
But because the situation at the moment would be perfect. There are just a very few closer friends. One I can tell about these thoughts. But it isn’t helpful to get the tip of taking medicine like he does.
Again I realize that there are to few good moments in life to compensate the bad ones. I will never live my dreams. ‘Cause I’m just not strong enough. So why should I live another couple of years? Just to make other people happy? To hope for better times?