why should i not?

why should i not kill myself?

im worthless.

i have nothing in life to look forward to. nothing interests me and everything just feels pointless.

i feel like i am living the same day over and over and over. different events, but every day has the exact same outcome. i cant take it anymore.

my mum has just told me that ‘no way in hell is she paying even a little bit for that damn school.’ new york is my one dream and i have never even thought about what would happen if i didnt get there. im not going. i cant go. new york is over.

my future will be shit school is getting worse and the teachers may aswell be speaking german cause i dont know what they are saying anymore. all i don is find ways to hide my headphones from the teachers because i feel like i will go insane if i cant listen to my music.

my music is my one way out of this shit hole and if these fucking teachers try and take that away i swear to god i wont have any thing to keep me here.

after all this i have not cut. i dont know how. i have come so very close but i havent. but to be honest i know i wont be able to stop myself for very much longer. cutting was the only reliable thing in my life. it was the only thing that i could be able to think about and know for certain what would happen and that i could make it happen.

now i’ve stopped nothing is constant. i need a constant in my life or i have nothing to rely on. right now my music is my constant, but music tastes change. i need a best friend, or a boyfriend or even the smallest routine would be a reason to stay. music is the only thing i am holding onto, but it is a weak constant, so it will soon break.