Seriously, will this pain go away? When will the poison that invaded my mind disappear?
I have constant flashbacks of when I almost killed myself, and the events leading up to it. I can’t sleep, and my appetite has decreased. I don’t get it. Things were finally looking up, and I thought I had made it, and that I was free.
I couldn’t be more wrong. I still feel all the pain, and I don’t get it.
I read everyone’s posts, and I tell myself that I have no reason to feel this way, but no matter how much I beat myself about how great my life is, and how I have friends I can trust, I still feel as if no one cares, and that I need to shout “I feel like dying” to get attention. I never tell anyone, because I don’t want to be like this one girl I know who says it just to make fun of those who actually feel like this, or who actually thought of it.
I don’t want to become the people I hate, but I fear if I don’t, I will end up dead.
Even if I tell someone, It Never Satisfies My Deep Pit Of Self Loathing.
I feel ashamed to post this.
6 comments
Don’t feel ashamed. Most of us that come to this site feel similar emotions. That’s why we’re here. Hope you get feeling better.
I LOVE YOU! because I love my self and feel you must know some of my pain.
can I help?
If you need to scream then do it! Someone will hear you and if they don’t then you have the wrong kind of people in your life. Don’t give up hope. There is someone out there who cares, someone who understands and someone who will love you past your pain. Be strong. Take a look in a mirror, smile and tell yourself that everything is going to get better…
the feeling that my mind wants me dead will probably never go away so i understand how you feel. your depression is probably more medical than environmental, thats why some people can feel depressed or suicidal without no apparent reason. iv been in that boat for almost ten years.
the pain of being loveless will go away when you will finally rip your heart off. and proove to yourself that there will be no love. since you will not have heart,there will be nothing to brake;and you will be free. i did this at my age of 26 and it worked fine. now im calm. the pain of beign abused/bullied will go away only when you will finish school/college or university, there is no point in going to another school because bullyers will be found enywhere. so when you will finish all your studies, you then may completely isolate yourself from sociaty and there will be no one who may offend you i did it when i was about 24 and it worked fine. there will be no future for your personal life if you isolate yourself from everyone however it is an effective working way to cut the sources of abuse.Miranda july once did isolated from everyone when she was at school and she stayed without profession. now she tries hard to rise up money from day to day and makes a depressive movies 🙂 see “the future” and “you me and everyone we know”. by avarage your pain may go away when you will be around 25-26. you in this case will loose any will or passion for life but you will be calm and painless.