I have insomnia. Â I have been diagnosed with servers depression and I really don’t know where to turn to anymore. Â I am up all night and exhausted during the day. Â I feel absolutely useless to my boyfriend who said to me that it will be ok and it isn’t because he is the one who has found me multiple times blacked out on the floor with a razor in hand. Â I’m unemployed and unable to find work. Â I am contemplating suicide and I just need someone to listen.
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Listening…
I am living out of home with my boyfriend, and my job is to tidy the unit, do the washing and make meals. I am on support payments. I thought that it would be a good way to start because I was told from my previous employer that it might be a good idea to take a break from the workforce to get my health back on track. But it’s just made it worse. I have no friends where I am, sometimes I fail to complete everyday tasks because of how badly my depression plays up. My boyfriend thinks I am just going through a phase. But it’s been going on for 7 years .. I am 20 years old and still cut myself on a daily basis.
If you can maintain a job I suggest you get one right away. After that make some friends at work or doing something you like or perhaps take a fun course at a community college. The only one who can help you is you. I never understood the whole cutting thing I usually just smoked some weed when I felt like I was dying inside. Never made sense to scar up my body. Why has this been going on for so long? Is it cause your lonely or what?
:L im sorry you shouldn’t hve left work….work keeps me exhausted and busy….i still have free time to be depressed, cutting crazy, and throw pity parties for myself but work occupies the majority of my life now….i have insomnia…but work tires me out physically so i can sleep for a bit…still wake up every couple of hours though 🙁 you need stuff to do….keeping busy is enough to keep me out of the hospital.
lol mike it never made sense to scar up your body but it made sense to inhale the smoke of a burning plant? XD we all have our coping methods.
I just don’t value my life. And to add onto the keeping myself busy comment from before @AtTheEnd, I play guitar and write lyrics. It seems to keep me out of trouble but not for long periods of time.
And I have tried applying for jobs and all I keep getting is rejection letters and emails. It doesn’t help the negativity.
Scars are unsightly. People look at them and say what the hell happened to you. You can vaporize weed too ya know:P
You’ve been severely depressed for seven years. Its because you don’t value your life? As in life is meaningless or in those seven years you’ve enjoyed so little?
Yes, life is meaningless to me. I don’t value myself at all.
Life is meaningless. I agree. I don’t know why your sad though. I mean damn girl you’ve been slicing yourself up for seven years and you tell me its cause I don’t value myself. Can I get some details some elaboration here. Obviously your boyfriend values you or he wouldn’t put up with it.
I just don’t see a point in living.
Okay I don’t see a point on living but to cut yourself up everyday like a some suicidal sous chef is more into I FUCKING HATE MYSELF territory.
Yeah I do hate myself. I hate myself that much that I abuse my body. It’s an addiction.
see i have discovered a truth about life and that is everything is there in ur brain..
so if u want to think this way then ur brain will think this way but if u force ur brain to think differently then it will think differently
No one asked people to stare at my scars haha and i watch pot heads and i stare at how idiotic they have become afters smoking every day. Anyway ooooo guitar!! Keep trying to find a job :L
@ablackrose hi I read your post and I understand what you are saying. I don’t even know you but can you do me a favor? Wherever you are, go outside and tell me what you see smell and hear. I know it sounds odd. But it’s for a good cause.
@ablackrose hi I read your post and I understand what you are saying. I don’t even know you but can you do me a favor? Wherever you are, go outside and tell me what you see smell and hear. I know it sounds odd. But it’s for a good cause.