My name is Richelle. I am 13 years old, living in Sydney, Australia. This is my first post. The start of my depression began, in my opinion, around the age of 8. I had no friends, so I talked to the school counselor, Wendy, whenever I could. We played Go Fish or Snap and talked all lunch. She was my best friend, and I thought she was so beautiful. I wanted to be like her when I grew up.
The day before my 9th birthday was my last day with her. She said even tho the next day was her day off, she’d come anyway so I could have someone to talk to on my birthday. I was excited because this was my first birthday with a friend, not just family. Mum made cupcakes for me to take to school and share with Wendy.
I waited and waited and waited. But Wendy didn’t come. The school Office ladies later told me she died in a car accident.
A car accident she never would have been in if I didn’t exist. She was driving because of me. Its my fault.
Ever since then, I’ve isolated myself. I don’t want friends. I’m scared I’ll kill them. I also killed my other close friend, Sasha. My dog.
I saw her out the front yard. Of course, I didn’t bring her inside. She always gets out. Nothing will happen to Sasha. But it did. She was run over.
It never would have happened If I had just used my brain.
And now the the guilt and loneliness has got to me. It feels like the world’s on my shoulders, and nobody thanks me for making sure they don’t fall.
2 comments
Don’t blame yourself for that. Coincidences like that happen everyday and even though we may not want it to, it affects us. It obviously had it’s affect on you. Don’t think you’re a bad person, and don’t put yourself down because “they died for you”, keep your head up because you’re living for them.
I don’t know why accidents happen, why people sometimes die so suddenly. I do know this though, if she died while driving to see you, she died while doing something she loved…seeing her friend. I also know that if she is looking down on you at this moment or if she were here, she would be heartbroken to see you blame yourself. She was your friend and she would never ever want that. Instead of blaming yourself, you should honor her memory and live the best life you can and remember her for being such a good friend and not for the way her life ended. I have no doubt in my mind that’s what any friend would want for those they left behind.