I’ve had depression for about 2 years now, and i finally thought i was actually getting better, until about 3 days ago…it all started again, the constant bullying, verbal abuse off family, I’ve lost practically all my friends…I get called ‘cutter’ or ‘suicidal freak’ at school, no one can accept me for who I am…I think about it every night. I stare at the bottles of pills, the razor blades and think should I do it? I’m not scared. I’m not scared whatsoever, its just like going into a long sleep and having an amazing dream, apart from you’ll never wake up, and tonight something else happened, which topped it off…its back worse then ever, its like a disease I can’t get rid of… I feel empty, lonely…a freak? I don’t even know what I am anymore, I look into the mirror everyday and ask myself, why are you still alive? you ugly worthless soul, and to be honest I’m quite sure a lot of people ask the same question too. I avoid school, I try and make myself as ill as possible, just so i dont have to face another round of people, it never works. I dont feel me anymore, i dont feel worth it. I dont feel like i belong on this earth.
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In Soviet Russia, Depression has You!
Well… I am older – and probably more bitter – than you, so let me tell you a secret: most people are fools. What makes it worse is the fact that they are the kind of fools who refuse to learn (as opposed to, for instance, the one in the Tarot cards who merrily goes on a quest for knowledge). That is what accounts for that sort of behaviour: they cannot handle anything outside of the norm, and will do anything within their power to make it go away.
That’s how afraid they are. That is why they call you names.
You have mentioned getting verbally abused by your family (either that, or I misunderstood). If that is the case, please get help, talk to someone who could direct your further, perhaps some family therapy is in order? You deserve a peaceful home and will need it to recover…
I hope you’ll be ok. Really do.
@Will_Scarlet:
Your comment brought me a smile.
“…a secret: most people are fools. What makes it worse is the fact that they are the kind of fools who refuse to learn…”
Exactly! Exactly.
This is the source of my motivation for preferring to avoid “most people.” I’d honestly prefer solitude over the company of “most.”
When i find someone actually worthy of my time, i cherish them, because they are such a rare few.
And you’re quite right: a peaceful home is necessary for getting better. And considering the idea of “most people are fools,” a peaceful home must lack fools.
Get away from the fools, so you don’t have to worry about the foolish things they say and do. I realize this can be very difficult to accomplish, but it’s one of the things worth doing in life.