lithium. wow. that is what its come to. modern pharmacology has failed me. i had always thought that lithium was for the real nutcases. so i guess that moniker belongs to me as well. i am scared. reading about it and the side effects are scary. especially the toxicity thing. i am not very good at keeping myself adequately hydrated. drink too much soda and not enough water. don’t want to spend all my time on the john. not very conducive to getting any work done. i quit taking risperdal cold turkey. big mistake. i didn’t think 1 mg was a big deal. a week later and i am still shaky, dizzy, weak, and having chest pains. and better yet-there are times when my eyes won’t stop moving. kind of freaky. other than that i am the picture of perfect health. not. am i still suicidal? yes. the thought is never far from my mind. i don’t say much about it because the whole thing is getting kind of repetitive. how many times can one cry wolf? any action to that effect would likely be impulsive. as i have access to a gun. something my doctor calls chilling. if not a gun i have enough pills to choke a horse. where there is a will there is a way.
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@KristinK: Like you, I’ve tried lots of therapies, to no avail. I feel for you. How do you deal with the constant (if there is any for you) reprimands to be open and honest, while worrying about the effects of crying wolf yet again? I liked your closing line: “Where there is a will there is a way.” True-true.
I stopped seeing a therapist after she wanted to get me institutionalised. I have been on Prozac and all the medication but I dont feel better. I just want it to end completely.
through the years i have become a rather quiet person. i keep most of this to myself. but what i do to communicate is write. i write a lot. my doctor and therapist read my postings. my choice. it is my way of reaching out without the pressure and time constraints of appointments. if i don’t want to share with them i don’t post here. i write in my journal. ultimately suicide is my decision to make. if i want to be stopped i will be. if i don’t then i won’t.
i am not going to tell you not to kill yourself. but-there are lots of meds and combinations of meds to try. find another therapist. there are lots of options to try to feel better. before you make a permanent decision make sure you have thought things through.