Have you ever been in counseling? Seen a psychiatrist? Taken medication? Did it give you clarity or did it make things worse?
I have devoted 10 years on and off to therapy, medication, blood testing, the consequent weight gain ans loss cycle… I guess I mean, at what point do you say “Enough”? It’s obvious I cannot function without the meds. I try to wean myself off them and without fail a year later I am ready to blow my brains out. I can function reasonably on meds but then I know it’s a medically induced state of mind and that without it I would do myself in.
So do I keep going? Keep trying? I have a counseling session next week and it’s just like here we go, the same shit again.
I have young kids btw.
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“Have you ever been in counseling?”
Not officially, though technically i suppose being counseled by “peers” and family should count (though it kinda doesn’t).
“Seen a psychiatrist?”
No.
“Taken medication?”
Not “mind meds,” but for a long time i self-medicated with cannabis, which honestly did help quite a bit.
“Did it give you clarity or did it make things worse?”
‘it’ … well, i can’t really know whether what i didn’t do actually made anything worse. Weed helped. Stopping weed has done the opposite of help, despite yielding a slightly improved sense of ‘clarity.’ Ultimately, that ‘clarity’ boost only helped to reinforce what i’ve always known and felt, to be better able to verbalize much of it. So far, that hasn’t had any meaningful results. Aside from clarity and verbalization, all abstinence has done is make me feel worse all the time. But at least i can put it in words… ?
“…at what point do you say “Enough”? ”
This is probably very subjective, and different for everyone.
I’ve said “Enough.” Many times. But i always gave myself a chance to think more, because i always felt like i still needed to figure something out. I always felt like i should be able to figure out an effective solution to resolve my misery, and create a life worth living. Despite the apparent futility of it all, i still feel that way… even when i feel like i’ve “figured out” that enough is enough, and that i won’t ever be able to resolve it, or have a life worth living.
For me, it comes down to this: “i’m already here, so i might as well keep trying.” That’s the thing that stops me from taking the final step, when i’ve excused myself from everything that i actually care about. I figure i should endure as much as i can, just in case there’s a positive outcome just around the corner, that i can’t see from “here.” I figure i haven’t got much time left before the world and my circumstances force my hand anyway… so i might as well keep going, until i can’t.
“So do i keep going? Keep trying? … I have young kids btw.”
You need to decide that for yourself. No one else can take responsibility for your choice. You shouldn’t ask other people whether you should die. No one else can walk in your shoes or see through your eyes or feel your pain. It’s not a question anyone else is qualified to answer.
But i will say: you have kids and they need you, even if you’re miserable. That’s part of the cost of reproduction. It’s quite possible that if you decide to “check out,” it would “ruin their lives.” Not necessarily from sadness, but by you being unable to give them guidance and access to the opportunities they will require, in order to have decent, non-miserable lives. They can’t fend for themselves, so you have to do it for them. They don’t know what they’re supposed to do, and they’re too young to be responsible for themselves. The duty of the parent is to make sure that they don’t just “survive until” adulthood, but that they are prepared to *Lead their lives, by the time they are required to do so. You should tough it out, and focus on preparing them for their own independence, which they will require for non-miserable lives.
Rationally I know my kids need me, it’s the constant irrational thought that they would be better off without me that is sending me back to counseling.
And thanks.
I have to doubt that they would be “better off without you.” Without you, they would likely feel very lost and confused, perhaps feel abandoned, or that you didn’t value them enough to continue being there. They would likely spend lots of time and energy wondering “why?” and spinning their wheels over stuff that isn’t theirs to understand… instead of, while young, during their most important formative and critical years, spending their time and energy on developing into alert and potentially successful, independent individuals with control over their destiny.
You have an extra struggle to deal with, which will probably always be there in some form, to some degree, and that should (imo) increase your appreciation of doing the right things; because it’s more important for things to be right, when things are too hard.
I don’t have all the answers (or i wouldn’t be here), but i know you have a duty to your offspring, and it’s very likely that they will continue to need you, and i can only predict that you would probably feel that the struggles were worth it, if you are able to teach your kids what they need to know to become their own people, and offer them the chance to avoid the pain you must endure, in order to ensure they at least have a fair shake at this life thing.
Just keep doing what you need to do, and try to reduce both your internal and environmental stressors, as much as possible. Try to reduce the amount and intensity of your requirements. Try to conserve enough of your “self,” so that you can deal with the most important things… and try not to worry about the rest quite so much.
Im afraid to seek help. I dont want to take meds and be put on a lot of pills. I just want to disappear forever. Its easy to commit suicide (its the 3rd leading cause of death for my age group 15-24) but its hard to determine the time is right. Im no professional but my opinion would be that because they are young to stay if they were 21 and up I would say find a painless method like I have. I know I wont be here next year I guess Im just wasting time until that day
Kids and wife are all that keep me here. The amount of pain I’d cause them is the only thing that stays my hand.
I have no advice for you, I’m sorry, except to try to hang on. If you haven’t tried “help”, then try it. Try everything.
That’s all I’ve got. I wish I had more.
Psychiatry is pointless.
I have never had success with counseling, psychiatrists, or meds. But I do know one person who met a really good psychologist that seemed to help a lot. I hate trying to open up to professionals or anyone really about anything and I probably won’t ever try to do it again. But I think it has the potential to help.
When you go to different physicians they all usually come up with the same diagnosis and treatment. I’ve seen many psychiatrists and their diagnoses and treatment were all very different. Some psychiatrists are good and know what they’re doing but most are unqualified and dangerous and do more harm than good. Psychiatrists and the-rapists at government funded clinics are the absolute worst. Psychology in general sadly lacks the scientific integrity of physiology and pretty much every other science.
Like a guinea pig I’ve tried most anxiety/depression medications and some that were not even designed for anxiety or depression. Most meds were either useless and/or had unpleasant side effects. There were two meds (I unfortunately can’t remember their name) that caused a nasty reaction making my throat unpleasantly swell up and caused minor breathing problems.
The worst was when I tried Abilify and ended up in the Emergency Room with severe stomach pain that was so bad it made me want to kill myself and start to lose my mind. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life and all the morphine they were pumping into my system did nothing. Eventually the nurse gave me some sedatives to hopefully silence all the screaming and the loud animal-like sounds I was making.
A lot of psychiatrists don’t know that Abilify causes a certain percentage of people to experience a major drop in potassium levels that can be deadly. Generally doctors are supposed to know all the side effects of the meds they prescribe.
If you decide to use Abilify make sure you are well stocked with potassium pills or a lot of bananas.
For me Buspar (Buspirone) and Remeron (Mirtazapine) have worked best with minimal side-effects and don’t make you always feel drugged. Remeron however does cause major munchies (usually for sweets.) Consequently I always take it before a late dinner to avoid weight gain.
Also Xanax and some other benzodiazepines when taken as needed are usually great when I’m feeling really bad. The down side is that drugs like Xanax make you feel dull and disaffected and benzodiazepines in general are a controlled substance that can cause addiction and potential drug abuse like heroin.
Over all counseling for me has done more bad than good. I don’t like being dissected and interrogated about every detail of my life. For the most part I am a very private person and I feel violated by this BS. It is not pleasant to have to constantly relive and become obsessed about all the misery I’ve experienced in life. And all they tell me is shit I already know or learned in various psychology classes I took in college. Most of these therapists are joke.
If you are experiencing this from your therapist, get a new one.
The last psychiatrist I saw at a government funded clinic told me she didn’t think she should let me leave after telling her about my frequent thoughts of suicide. Big fucking mistake. Hearing this made my body flood with adrenalin and my mind go into panicked animal mode. I was ready to violently kill her, myself, and anyone else who wanted to take away my freedom. I was so messed up by this experience I almost got in two car accidents on the way home. It took about a week before returning to “normal”
If you’re not a cop and I haven’t commited crime and you try to lock me up I will go ape shit and completely fuck you up possibly crippling you for life. This is the animalistic mentality that incompetent psychiatrists and therapists create when a human seeks help and is treated like an animal.
Fortunately I found a highly recommended psychiatrist with a private practice who has written various books about the psychology and brain function. Very knowledgeable and professional and didn’t interrogated me about every detail of my life. I simply told him I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and major depressive disorder which was all he needed to hear. He then proceeded to educate me in brain functionality which was very enlightening to me. He also gave me a complimentary book he wrote which I find to be very educational and modern. The book is “Brain Basics: An Integrated Biological Approach to Understanding and Assessing Human Behavior” by Robert Williams M.D.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t take insurance and I can’t really afford the meds so if you’re like me and live below the poverty line you’re kind of screwed and have to jump through a lot of hoops to try and get the meds you need.
As for your young kids: In my opinion you should focus more on them and their well being. Your kids are a solid reason to keep going. Young kids generally see their parents as the center of their world and THE source of love and protection. It would be a difficult adjustment for them to experience the loss of a parent (especially a mother who kids typically depend on as their central nurturer.)
A couple interesting facts:
The profession of psychiatry has a very high suicide rate
Sigmund Freud never helped any of his patients
Good answer. I would be terrified at the prospect of being locked up.