I Don’t Get Stronger

All these things pieced together,

Aren’t making me strong,

Aren’t making me better,

They tear down the dreams I’ve finally had,

Nothing can stop them,

There’s nothing more bad,

I’ve been to hell,

And I’ve been back,

Through drugs and rape and panic attacks,

But after these storms,

There’s always some calm,

It works it’s way up and fully forms,

I learn to live broken and shattered,

Not getting stronger or better,

Just more battered,

I don’t pick myself up,

I fly with a joint,

And after a while,

I crash from that point,

I had my problems,

Long before my addictions,

And even before they started,

I had low restrictions,

I can’t wait for the day,

When I get to fly,

Not from a drug,

But from my wings to the sky,

When I finally reach Heaven’s gates,

The high of which no other relates,

This world that I am fighting against,

Is not budging a bit,

And it never relents,

So I’ll wait to get stronger,

And hope for that day,

When finally a substance,

Can take me away.