I feel like…Â I should tell my mom… what she has put me through… what I have contemplated/(or)contemplating… I feel like I need her to feel how I feel. Every time I think, I should get up out of bed and tell her exactly what it feels like to be put down, after already hating every inch of your body. After hating your self for what feels like so long, but still pushing yourself to extremes to make her proud… Getting the grades and staying out of trouble. AFTER BEING EVERYTHING SHE “WANTS”… she still wants more… But what does she give me in return…? Love?! what a joke…
Every time I build myself up, to tell her all I can see is her, telling me to ” suck it up” or seeing her act like it hurts her personally (so fake..) and I wind up having to comfort her! And that always takes me back to square one.. Feeling like I need to end it. In the final act of my sad tale, all get is others repercussions…
6 comments
Im not going to patronise you and say im in exactly the same boat as I dont know you, youre a stranger over the internet. I do feel that same presseure from my father tho. Nothing ive ever done has ever made him happy, he says he loves me but he never shows it and i never feel it. Everything I do just seems to wind him up, im like his opposite. I felt forced to go to uni against my will, couldnt handle it and dropped and and have been pretending for a year as Im afraid of his reaction. I can already see the look in his eyes. It honestly keeps me up at night.
The meer fact you havent said anything to her tho. The torture you put yourself through not to unleash on her shows what kind of a person you are. Youre strong and caring even for someone you may not like very much. Thats really quite amazing. The fact youve pushed yourself to this extreme rather than taking it out on her is really remarkable and you should be proud and dont feel guilty for feeling this way its more common than you think. Look how quickly you found me in a similar situation. I think youre doing amazing. Live upto youre own dreams and goals, its your life, If that upsets her she can be upset. Shell get over it an so will my dad.
I think youve inadvertently helped me 😛 thank you
Thank-you 🙂 exactly with the opposite thing too, I hope you and your dad can work everything out.you deserve it!
i am unaware my grammar is awful im sorry im a tad dyslexic xS i hope you get the point tho
haha thanks good luck and dont forget you dont always have to bottle everything up theres always someone out there willing to listen
I can relate to what it’s like to come home and be insulted and put down by your family. When I was younger, I used to cry when I heard those things from my mother.. she just didn’t want me at all (no exaggeration).. but to stop me from telling my dad what was going on.. she’d ring him up while I was at school to tell him I had been “bad”.. I tried SO damn hard to please her for so many years.. but every night I came home from the bullying.. to a place of insults and beatings.
However, as I grew older.. my tolerance for all of this started dropping.. and eventually my dad found out what my relationship with her was really like.. and I began becoming more vocal. She is my mum though, and I do love her despite everything.. and I admire your patience (: I really wish I was more like you. You seem genuinely kind hearted – not something anyone can teach.
However before you try to end it, I strongly urge you to talk to your mother about it – for yours and her sake. Don’t be afraid <3 She seems to be a big part of your life, and she deserves to know what is going on.. and you deserve to know if it was all worth it.
Best of luck. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’ll try and talk to her, I pretty much know what she will say. thanks for caring enough to write that all down 🙂 I guess you right, I need to know if it’s worth it or not… second thoughts.. thank-you..<3