pills numb everything and help me forget.

I saw your post yesterday, Sunflower, about Wake and Bake, and I almost posted this then. But it is much more appropriate here.

I am a longtime opiate addict, about five years now. I started medicating with opiates to cure my depression, and it ‘worked’. For a very short time. It also ruined my life. Sometimes it seems like when your depressed, you’ll reach out for any reason to hold onto. And heroin can be that reason, but it becomes your only reason, it takes over everything else. There’s even something sexy about it in a way, I always felt like I was whoring satan when I got loaded with smack. But after a few months, or perhaps even a few weeks, it’s time to pay your dues back. Withdrawal will take all the feelings of depression you feel when not loaded and multiply them by a trillion. And you won’t really think of suicide, you’ll just want to go score. Stay clean for a week and then you think about suicide, when the fucking boredom and post-withdrawal sets in. Recidivism rates for opiate addicts hover around 90%. Once you go down that road… there’s very little coming back. I am actually incredibly high functioning for someone who does what I do, but I am numb to shit, I am a shitty person, and I feel like I’m dying.

If you still care about anything, like your Mom, or friends, or yourself, any of those things; rethink opiates. It’s problem solving capabilities will stop faster than you realized you were ‘OK’, and then it’s time to pay. And you won’t want to, and your Mom, friends, whoever, they all suffer because of you. I started out on pills and moved on down the road to smack, and if I could take it all back I would. I would love the fucking chance to go take it all back. These five years have felt like 6 months, and been a blur, and my friends have moved on and here I am, worthless.

If you keep going down this road you’ll eventually realize all this shit yourself. It becomes self-evident. But I thought I’d give you a fair warning, there is such a dark side to this shit, make sure you think it through. I’d say it’s a 1:10 arrangement, you buy your relief and get 1 relief, and have to pay it back tenfold later.

Well, best wishes.