So recently I found a new girlfriend and she’s made me see things in a new perspective. She’s made me see my problem. My past haunts me and is the reason why I’m broken and beyond repair. I’m trying to let it go. I’m trying to be free, but I can’t…
Some days are just easier than others…
What I’m confused about is if I should go on with my planned suicide.
Some days I feel like I shouldn’t because there’s a life to live now, but other days I feel like going through with it at the moment. What disappoints me is that the sad days are more frequent than the optimistic ones. I know someday I’ll get past this suicidal feeling, and I know it’ll take awhile.
But what I don’t know is when the day of my planned suicide comes, I’ll be on the day I want to die. I won’t be okay by the time the day comes around. I’m terrified that I’ll be worse.
My life is finally coming together, but the thoughts are still there. I’m scared I’ll relapse. I’m even doing better with my anorexia.
I’m just so afraid all my hard work to build myself up to a small point will come crashing down soon. Life never let me be happy for a long time, and I have a feeling it’s not going to change.