I’m past the point of caring for anyone or anything. I realized this yesterday when my friend threatened suicide if I did and a horrid thought had hit me, I didn’t really care.
If anyone has an explanation as to why I feel this way or answer the title question please say.
4 comments
after a while you just stop caring. it happens. theres a part of your brain that just gives up or doesnt work like everyone else’s. depression does that. there has to be a correlation between depression and introversion. your brain just gets conceited and so self-absorbed that other people can become negligible.
i have plenty of friends and family and they’re all nice, good people but i dont think id care too much if any of them died. even my parents and siblings.
though i do have one friend. one of the very few people ive ever trusted enough to tell them about my depression. if anything happened to her i dont know what i do. she’s probably one of the few people i truly care about. one of the few i’ve truly loved.
i might also cry if my dog died. ive had her since she was a puppy. cutest dog ever.
Actually, yes.
As for you, maybe you just think you don’t care right now, but if your friend died… you would care then, trust me. Maybe not immediately, but at some point you would. When you’re in an apathetic state your mind is numb, but if you are freed from this state… all the feelings you didn’t experience will come rushing in. It’s not very pleasant when it happens but at least you’ll know you can still experience emotion. I hope nothing bad will occur before this, though.
I grew up somewhat numb… I found myself wondering how i’d feel if one of my friends died.. and whether i’d care. Of course it happened to my closest friend and it had an impact.. though in a muted sort of way.
I was a bit of a shit friend but then.. I imagine my nature was part of the reason we got along. I do wonder how much my ambivalence played a part in his death.. He as a good person in retrospect..
sorry… off topic.
I think this is more about not feeling arbitrarily responsible for someone else’s choices, just because they want you to feel responsible, more than it’s about “not caring.”
While you have to “care” to have a “friend,” you also don’t have to feel responsible for their actions. Their choices are theirs, yours are yours, and if someone wants to base their actions on what someone else does, that’s on them, and their choice, not yours.
This seems to be a case of “seeing through the bullshit,” more than “sheer apathy.”
Whatever your “friend” intends to do, is not your choice. If they want to kill themselves for some stupid reason, like “because my friend did,” then that’s on them, just like it’s on you to decide for yourself if what you really want is death.
There are plenty of things i still care about, but during my contemplations, i realize it would be necessary to sacrifice them, but that doesn’t mean i don’t care. It just means that the cost to maintain access to what i care about, and my presence in this world, may exceed my ability to endure. I hope it won’t, but i often think there are just too many problems i can’t solve, and it might be worth being 0 instead of -1.
I would say, instead of just saying “i just don’t care…” don’t be afraid to admit you care, but say it’s not enough to hurt so much.
Or, you know, maybe you’re actually learning not to care so much. It’s a common observation i make about most people, that they often care too much about the wrong things, even to the point of obscuring their own perception and appreciation of the best things (including experiences and people).