Hey. I’m a 14 year old girl. I was suicidal last year, I was referred to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)
I didn’t go. When I was young, my mum used to hit me when I made her angry. I told my school and she got a warning.
My eldest sisters told them I was lying. COINCIDENTALLY the same social worker got involved last year about my “suicide note”.
No. I said, “Won’t death be the perfect escape” among other things. It was private. like a diary. SO MY FRIEND DECIDED TO RAID MY ROOM WHILST I WAS AT SCHOOL AND SHE FOUND IT. Anyway. no more social worker business its ended but its still a part of me. I hate her. she ruined my life. She bullied me.
i feel sad. all the time. i used to cut, last year i started and finished within 5 months. i don’t know why i stopped. it felt so good.
i started again a few weeks back. i cut my thigh deep but not that deep. my carpet was stained. so i haven’t done it since in case i get caught.
i want to die. i tied a scarf around my neck at night to stop me from breathing in my sleep but i chickened out and ripped it off.
i overdosed on paracetamol (i know , i don’t have any other medicine) and i was taken to hospital for “food poisoning”. hm.
i missed 2 weeks of school. consequently, i got low level/grades which meant my mum and sister could blaze me and take the mick
this girl has been on my case in school i hate her 🙁 she “rearranged” a print screen of a conversation with me and my other friend to make me look bad. so I guess im a “cyber bully” . But im not i promise
i miss my dad. my old dad. he’s still the same though except he’s ill
pulmonary lung fibrosis and the arteries to his heart or something are closing. he’s going to die. doctors gave him 5 years to live, in 2009.
but I love him. he’s the nicest person ever.
im still angry about how my sister said, “you never get it do you? not everything is about you” (she’s 21 by the way)
My dad came in, and i was so mean to him i told him to get lost i am crying now because i made him sad 🙁 🙁
i only have 2 true friends but i only say true to keep myself happy. i’ve been bullied by them in the past but whats done is done right??
i literally don’t have anything.
no memories no prized possession.
except for my dad
all the time i was thinking of dying i thought about my dad how sad he’d be after his princess is dead
i want to wait until he dies i know its selfish but i literally cannot carry on anymore
time after time i make mistakes and people bully me
everyone says “fuck them” but no i can’t i just can’t
i always let it get to me and thats why i suck im a failure why am i even alive i don’t deserve this
im muslim. we , not including me, believe that if you commit suicide, you go to hell
but God, why are you letting me sufferI’m going to hell anyway. for questioning you, for *probably* committing, for doubting you.
i hate myself even more now
what if God hates me and takes my dad
what if He takes my only friends
5 comments
I think your dad will want you to live strong and proudly. He gave you your life afterall. Live for him, he sound like a great dad who love you a lot, I think the least you can do is live. I know a lot of people who had a really bad high school life, bullies, suicide, cutting, I have heard tons. But trust me it does get better, at the very least when you go to college or start working, you will find mature people with common interests, people who will appreciate you. I know this must be hard for you, betrayal, bullies, loneliness, but please hang on, it will get better.
Also everyone make tons of mistake in their life, just try your best to not make those same mistakes again. Keep it up and you will become a even better person, I guaratee it.
Hi, well uhmm.. well..I know how you feel. I’m suicidal, abused, hated by my family and the only friends I have bully me and take advantage of me. So I know how you feel. If you ever need anything.. I’m here okay?
do you know ive been where you have things will get better
I have seen your story, and I would just like to say, I’m here. I can not remember if I have responded to this post, so if I have, sorry.
You can always talk to me, and I’ll listen.
My email is brl.cents@gmail.com
Thanks for the reassurance but it always happens. Every time something good or exciting to look forward to comes up, I get weird mood swings and stay depressed for months at the most. Then this makes people around me sad. Then I feel sad for making them sad. In a typical week, I’m never the same. That’s me though. Different. Disgusting. Horrible. Ugly. Annoying. (I have ADHD and DPD (dependant personality disorder) I made the bad mistake telling my friend about it… She’s telling everyone I’m psycho. I’m scared. I’m the worst person alive. I shouldn’t be allowed to live.