My Suicide Attempt

On may 30th, I swallowed 80 Tylenol pills. Beforehand I hadn’t done enough research on whether that would kill you or not but I thought it surely would. About 20 minutes after my mom came to my room to check in on me because she knew I was suffering from depression for over a year. At that point I was very sad and bawling. I thought that was the end. My mom started to hug me and asked me if I wanted to go out and what was wrong and I immediately shooed her away I didn’t want her there because I love her dearly even though she is a pain in the rear. After she left I started to feel loopy, had a horrible migraine, and a surging chard of guilt because I started to think about how bad my mom. Had felt. I went to her and told her I took several pills and that I need to go to the hospital. After driving me there with my dad. I arrived to the ER. And the nurse asked me if I was still in the mindset to hurt myself and I wanted to punch her in the face. After I was in the hospital gown and giving a pee sample. I was in the room alone on the bed waiting for the medics response and I started to sob uncontrollably. Not because I felt bad but because I failed to go through with it. The doctors came and told me that it was too late for me to get my stomach pumped and so I had to drink two bottles of charcoal (LITERALLY LIQUID CHARCOAL) and it was the worst taste I have EVER had in my life. The after taste was horrible and I wasn’t allowed to drink water because it would stop the charcoal from working. After drinking the charcoal came a horrible nausea I was throwing up and I had a headache worse than ever. The doctors came back again and said that I had to have three days worth of antidote to the Tylenol pumped into me. And that they still needed to run tests for checking my liver. I was transferred in an ambulance to a more permanent room and in a horrible condition. After three days of suicide watch, psychiatrists running in and out, and peeing with the door open because I wasn’t allowed to be alone in fear of hurting myself. I managed to pull myself together and leave safely and with the results that the livers test came back clean. The experience was life changing. I still feel suicidal but not it isn’t bad anymore, I’ve decided that I’m not gonna think about it as much because thinking a bout it is what got me in that situation in the first place.