I made a mistake, a huge mistake. I met a boy, with beautiful green eyes and a personality that trapped me like a helpless fly in a spiders web. In that web was the only place I wanted to be. Over a couple weeks I got to know him and I fell, fell so hard it was sad. I smiled constantly, because of him, and he made me laugh, the real kind, (not the bubblegum-fairy-princess kind you feed to people around you when your depressed) it was amazing. I felt free of my chains when I was with him.
Mistake… Then I learned I was really second choice to my best friend… He wanted her, I was really just the closest thing to her. I should have realized somebody as messed as me couldn’t get somebody like that… Then he messed up… told me he loved spending time with me and that I was beautiful and other sweet things… I thought… I can get him to love me, I just need to show him the real me, the hurt, the pain, the truth… Bigger mistake, he just couldn’t grasp my issues. I get that, I guess… He hadn’t seen that side of me before…. then BAM! He sprang the L bomb on me…. I was sure I loved him, so I said it back, I felt triumphant, I had succeeded, hadn’t I…?
Wrong, I’m still second choice, I don’t know why he told me he loved me if he didn’t mean it… So I’m back to square one… Eventually tears… tears really don’t fucking do anything! So why do I keep crying over this…
4 comments
People throw the word love around like it is nothing these days and sadly don’t seem to care about others feelings. I am sorry this person hurt you. And it’s okay to cry. Yeah crying sucks and if your anything like me it isn’t pretty, but after a good cry, especially when I cry myself to sleep I know I for one feel a little better. There is still that weight on my chest but the crying helps it “float” a little. I hope he realizes he was wrong. No one should ever be second choice.
The only thing I can say is try not to worry or obsess over being “2nd.” My ex girlfriend was my “2nd” – I actually was more attracted to her roommate. But I dated #2 for over 7 years and never did anything with #1 (and i nearly forgot about her). The only reason I’m no longer with her is due to her lying and cheating. Had that not happened, I would still be with her. Hang in there.. good luck.
The same thing happened to me years ago.
Then that girl started cheating on me but didn’t want to tell me cuz she knew I’d just leave her. How heartless and fucked up is that..to make some one stay in a relationship for years against their better judgement? Cruel!! I mean..I was trying to be a good boyfriend..why couldn’t that ***** just level with me? Instead I ended up wasting 4 years and alone for another 6 years. It sucked!!
I don’t get it either. I did everything for that girl (and likewise I’ve been single a long time now). I’ve never cheated on anyone. If I lose interest I tell them and move on.
To the best of my knowledge, this girl was happy with me in every way. I have reason to believe she was depressed and jealous of my success (and her failures) and my seemingly perfect life in comparison, and her way to get back at me and feel better about herself was to misbehave behind my back. She cheated on me with at least 6 guys.
I’ve never had much luck in the love/relationship arena but this is probably my worst so far.