I feel like I just need to scream. I need to just scream and just keep screaming to get all these feelings out. I just want to be happy. After all my years of dealing with depression I’ve never wanted to be off this earth as much ad I do now. You’d think I have a good life, I work a lot, have honors and ap classes in school. But everything’s fake. I’m so fake. I wake up for school and put on a smile.I am abused. I’m a senior in highschool and Im being mentally abused by my freshman brother. I have this personality to me, I act so strong. But I just want to slit my wrists and get it over with. My little brother is turning into a tool. This summer I spent a whole paycheck buying him clothes and a bookbag for school because my low life parents can’t. I mean no problem. But today he totally just treated me like shit in front of everyone on my bus. Which is a lot. Telling me I’m a loser and really mean things.
Like how can your own brother treat you like that. I just had so much rage I wanted to strangle him and kill myself at the same time. Nobody understands. My boyfriend always tells me to talk to him. I do and he acts like nothing is a big deal. I’m DYING inside. I can feel my body slowly reaching its caving point. My mother treats me horrible. Horrible. She’s the worst thing in the world. I’ve supported myself since 10
Grade because she decided to stop being a mother to me. She tells me I’m fat and I’m a loser and a freak. I hate my life. I want to die. Everyday I sit in this house I want to just run into traffic. Choke myself. The things that come out of my parents mouths are like bullets. How can you have a child and treat them so harshly. I asked for help and she just yells at me. I’m suppose to be on anti depressant and anxiety medicine but she won’t take me to the doctor to get it. I would drive myself but she wouldn’t let me get my permit. I’m alone. I have no friends. I don’t even want to be around my bf of almost 3 years anymore. I just want to be alone. So I can stop pretending to be so happy. Can I just not wake up tomorrow. I can’t take this pain anymore. I really can’t.
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2 comments
A counsellor.?
I wish there was something i could say to ease your suffering, but i’m not sure there are any words i could possibly use here that would comfort you in the way i truly wish i could.
Would you believe me if i said that a bright young person such as you, has all the potential in the world? And that one day soon you will be able to go and make any kind of life that you want for yourself, far away from your family if you choose to.
Don’t give up sweetheart, you’re obviously a very strong and resilient person – otherwise you wouldn’t have survived this far.
I too have had a traumatic childhood, i’m 34 now and would be lying if i said that i’m not still affected by what i’ve experienced. But what i can honestly say is that i wouldn’t be the person i am today, if it weren’t for what i’ve been through.
You’re kind, and sensitive, and lovely. And it sounds as though you’ve got that way all by yourself. That’s wonderful, and i think you should be proud – just imagine what else you can become?
I really do hope that you can begin to show yourself the love that you deserve.
If you’d like to talk some more, leave me a comment.
Take care of yourself xxx