My best friend tried to commit suicide in January 2012.
Again in May 2012.
Again in September 2012 because of a fight we had.
Her family threatened to sue me if I ever talked to her again.
Me and her made up at the beginning of this summer.
Even when we were still on the outs, I was there to help if she needed it. Â I don’t know if she knew that.
I’m just so tired of suicide.
She has me. Â I’m completely devoted to her and keeping her safe and alive. Â She’s like my sister, and she has me on her side. Â She just doesn’t care.
My heart is broken from watching her disintegrate.
6 comments
@iwillalwayslisten seriously, your post makes me think about a situation that happened to me in 2010; if you want to you can read my last post, its a rant and im not ready to share her story yet, but.. Well.
I know I’m not the only one who has gone through what I have, but I feel alone.
@iwillalwayslisten yes i understand you, sometimes i feel alone when i think of what happened. Its just a hard situation to deal with; really, really hard. It happened in 2010 and when its augu, sept or (especially) oct, i cant take it out of my mind.
I know how that feels. It sucks to remember what happened. It makes me hurt so badly that I can’t breathe. I wish I could forget. And her mother is the worst mother I have ever seen in my entire life. She and I butt heads so much over how to help my best friend. She’s so irritating. She makes me want to be one of those people who hit walls and stuff. January is always a bad month for us. My parents and friends act like it never happened to me.
When I was younger, my mom hated my friends too (when I talk like that it seems like I had tons of friends eh? *facepalm* but no…) and I had to stop seeing some of them.. So I get your point. My mom and I dont share a real relationship and I can say that shes helped me to destroy my mind, alng with her husband, who tried to destroy my body. She joined a cult and she calls me the devil and everything related to the demon (it gets funny..).
But anyways, your friend.. she’s still alive.
My friend is dead now, she’s gone. But I say something with all the hope that i have left in me: if shes still breathing, she can fight if she wants to.
Suicide is a personal option; i tried to kill myself twice and i still think about it once in a while. I live in pain, it includes physical pain and i must confess that im not in my best mood right now.. But anyway.. Be there for her if you can.
I don’t know for how much longer. She was over at my house, where I always thought she was impenetrable and so far away from cutting–but she almost did. If I had woken up five minutes later, she would have been down the stairs already and finding a knife or breaking a pair of scissors like the first time. I watched the thought go through her head. I watched her consider doing anyway and fighting me off. She sat back down and I don’t know how long we sat there in silence. I waited for her to say something. It felt like hours. She called her mom and her mom made her feel worse. I couldn’t do anything. I tried everything but she didn’t notice or didn’t care. She went back to sleep, but I didn’t. I stayed up to make sure she didn’t leave. She was fine the next day.
I’m just so tired of living with my life. But if I leave, she will too.