Hey everyone, first time using this WordPress thingy…quite strange browser but anyway,
This journal is about my attempt at self-starvation  and abstinence from all things sexual until my death. Please do not try to convince me to not go through with this, if anything, I may “hallucinate” (I believe it is actual spirit interaction) which may convince me to not kill myself.  We shall see.  I may be inspired to not go through with my method after all, but it’s gonna take some divine intervention :P.
I have been abstinent from any form of sex for about 4 days now counting Day 1 as the 4th day. My method is that I am not going to be eating any food at all for as long as it takes for my soul to leave my body, although I am drinking water so my kidneys don’t shut down and it’s not unbearable.  This method is much better than my original method which would have been shooting myself in the head under the Christmas Tree on Christmas around 5am so my whole family would wake up to it. I honestly only wanted to do the latter method just to be dramatic, it is not as spiritual nor as committed as the method of starving oneself.  I am a very spiritual believer so we will see how this goes, I am expecting hallucinations and even attempts by my spirit guides or spirits trying to convince me to stay in this life, either that or I will have to reincarnate to learn the same lessons I was supposed to learn in this life.  But really, f that noise xD.  I’m not reincarnating to a life like this that’s for sure.
So I’m going to breakdown my days into little journal entries, I am expecting the whole process to take about 28 days or so and around when I start feeling my body dying I will then stop drinking water as well to accelerate the process.
I semi-started yesterday by not eating anything after 10am but I had eaten that morning around 6 or so. Â So i am officially starting it after my preliminary fast which i dont think should be a big impact on the journal.
Day  1: It is now the first day and i’m already quite hungry as it’s been 24 hours but I’m definitely not stopping now even as my family makes delicious smelling food in the kitchen.  I think the hungrier you are the more powerful your sense of smell is, just making it harder to resist.  My mouth feels very dry even though I’ve been drinking more water than I usually do., which is something I’ve noticed during past experiences of fasting or accidental fasting without access to food for 24-48 hours.  I am actually hungrier now than I have been in the past as well, probably because I am in my house and access to food is everywhere, but like I said before I will resist.  I am not going to be working out or doing anything out of the ordinary other than writing this journal.  My normal day consists of playing video games and taking baths and sleeping for 10 hours so that’s what I will be doing for the most part during these experiences.  I will update this at the end of the day tonight and hopefully keep this up through daily posts edited during the morning and night.  Anyways that’s it for this morning, see you tonight Namaste :).
So I apologize for not updating day 1: night last night.  I was forced to help my dad with some projects around the house and it took us 4 hours, not something I normally do with my dad and it was actually rare bonding time.  Until he pissed me off and made me feel like shit and added fuel to the fire for this starvation attempt. But anyways, yesterday i actually ended up taking a 6 hour nap which is strange because the night before I had got like 10 hours or so.  I am already quite attracted to food, not necessarily painfully hungry, just food looks way better than it normally does.  One thing I have noticed is that I do feel  my dizzier and weaker, but not really much weight loss as of yet.  (2-4 pounds).  I seem to not be able to quench my thirst even though I am drinking more than I usually do!  Also, my mouth has been feeling really dry and tastes badly, i normally don’t have bad breath but this symptom is the worst problem i’m facing so far in regards to the starvation, even worse than the actual hunger itself (so far).
Day 2: It’s day 2! It’s technically been 48 hours since I last ate and the mouth feeling has gotten worse. Â I do feel quite weaker as well but it’s only been 2 days so it’s time to keep trucking. Â After reading the comments I believe it might take longer than 28 days like I originally hoped but I’m ready for the long haul as much as I can bear. Â Namaste.
8 comments
I ayayayay, I wish I had seen this post earlier. I had been starving for a few days, and today I decided to eat simply because I didn’t see the point in starving. I’ll start again tomorrow if you don’t mind me joining you 🙂
I’m afraid it takes longer than 28 days, though. The most “scientific” evidence on starvation & death would probably be the Irish hunger strikers back in the 80s because it was so well documented and controlled.
10 people committed suicide by starvation. The shortest took 46 days and the longest took 73. Average was about 62 days. 13 people failed (lived), the longest one starving himself for 70 days before his family intervened.
I’ve personally gone almost 2 months but I “cheated” and drank lots of alcoholic beverages, and I suppose the calories were enough to keep me alive. Can’t say the same for my liver but that’s another story…
I can definitely report: yes, I had spiritual revelations that profoundly affected me to this day. Some good, some bad. If you continue with this, I’m really looking forward to hearing your experiences. I’ve never been able to talk to anyone about this, so it’s a thrill to meet you.
The first 3-4 days are definitely the hardest. After that, it’s really easy. Food becomes somewhat disgusting. About 1-2 weeks into it, I experienced a feeling of euphoria, which people say is common with starvation.
I ended up quitting after about 2 months because, believe it or not, I found a purpose in life. To fix this f**d up world and make it a better place. That didn’t work out so well.
“I ended up quitting after about 2 months because, believe it or not, I found a purpose in life. To fix this f**d up world and make it a better place. That didn’t work out so well.”
I keep trying to tell people: “the problem is the world, not the person.”
The world is made of people who are not “people,” but are instead products of their environments. Some of us are people, who do not want, and cannot accept, being the product that our environment wants to produce, while also being unable to sufficiently alter our environment to enable our own corrective adjustments.
You have to fix the world, to fix yourself…
But you have to fix yourself, to fix the world.
You can’t do either without the other, so…
We must find compatible methods for both solutions, which can be integrated into a unified, holistic approach…
Or there will be no effective solution.
It’s practically impossible to get everyone “on the same page,” let alone reading the same book, or even speaking the same language.
And if you can’t get everyone (or at least most of everyone) on board with working for each other and ourselves, for the good of both the one and the many, or even decide what exactly that might entail…
Then you can’t fix the world, or yourself.
Realizing the absence of any viable solution to create a better life, can indeed be quite the “spiritual revelation.”
You’re absolutely right CN, horrifying as that truth is. There are too many conflicting forces in nature (and specifically *human* nature) to fix the f**d up world.
But now I’m going to appeal to your problem solving nature, ye hacker of life 😉
Even if you can’t fix the world & create a single utopia for all living things, there must be some way of nudging it back into balance. You’re a very logical and methodical person. Can you come up with a solution, far-fetched as it may be?
I’m willing to bet you can, but you probably suffer from the same problem I have. Even if you figure out a plan to improve the world, it still requires work. Work requires energy/motivation. I don’t know about you, but I’m fresh out of that stuff.
I agree that fixing ourselves and fixing the world are co-dependent. But I keep wishing there was a way I could fix myself, somehow instill myself with everlasting inspiration to fight, and then I’d be able to make a dent in this world. Because I certainly don’t think it’ll happen the other way around (the world fixing itself and inspiring me to continue living).
“Realizing the absence of any viable solution to create a better life, can indeed be quite the “spiritual revelation.—
Indeed. Probably not the sort of revelation they would promise you at Bible camp, but a powerful and valid one just the same.
For your “appeal,” i’ve already got an outline of “best practices” in a scenario when perfection or ideal cannot be actualized.
“close enough”
Compromise the less important things for the most important things.
After all, this is the real world, and we sometimes must sacrifice and forgo this or that or the other, in order to ensure priorities are… accomplished, maintained, etc.
Honestly, there is so much “wrong,” that it would have to be fleshed out by a committee of people who all understand both the realities and the ideals involved, and could work together to create the best possible blueprint for the process (which includes some recursion, with part of the blueprint being “how to implement the blueprint”).
I’ve often seriously pondered whether giving the rest of my life to pursuit of such an enormous, noble, possibly completely superfluous cause, might feel “worth it” to me.
The solution would need to have all cover-able bases covered, remain flexible in certain ways, while rigid in others, and embrace the idea of using a holistic and heuristic-based approach, rather than predefining a strict set of arbitrary rules that must always be followed “just because that’s the way it’s done.” There would need to be exceptions sometimes, and some way to determine what they are, and how to solve them.
For me, it’s not so much “effort” or “motivation” that is the problem, but rather lack of participation, resistance to new ideas, and complacency of so many people in our current world-structure.
There are just so many factors to consider… to seriously attempt it, i would need help, and it would take years just to get all of “the plan” recorded in a way that could be critiqued and modified.
I think you’re right that there is too much inflexibility in the world, even if you had the perfect plan there would always be those who oppose it just because it’s different.
The first step in my plan to fix the world was to gain power. That’s sorta where I stalled. But imagine if you could acquire power, whether through money or political office or plain popularity, then you could conceivable find others to join the movement and achieve “critical mass” for the idea to become reality.
I always think of the abolition of slavery as a good example. Can you imagine what it must’ve been like for the first abolitionists? Who knows what hardships, insults and beatings they suffered. But somehow they prevailed. Once in a rare while the human species impresses me.
But lately it seems like there are just too many people. And too many sucky people at that. Maybe the abolition of slavery was possible because resistance was relatively unorganized. i.e. Slave owners complained, but abolitionists were better at organizing themselves.
Today’s human pool is the opposite. The “bad ways” are entrenched & organized, with corrupt governments and moneyholders keeping a firm hold. And the problem solvers can’t seem to get a foothold. That’s why I fear the human species has passed the point of no return. Like a sinking ship with too many people onboard, you just have to watch it go down.
Considering the current “power structures” of today’s world… what does it mean to “gain power?” How might one gain such a thing, despite it being consolidated and protected by the current TPTB? What would have to occur, in order to shift the power away from the tyrants, and into the hands of /the right people/? Who are the right people? How can we identify them? How can we ensure that “the masses” know they are “right for the job?”
Honestly… the “abolition of slavery” didn’t really “abolish slaver.” It just reconfigured, repurposed, rebooted it. Now, almost everyone is a slave, but a different kind of slave than what is taught in history classes. The entire world is a prison; a “prison planet,” if you will (or even if you ‘won’t’, since you’re stuck here anyway! haha!).
Most of us are psychologically, socially, economically, financially, nutritionally, educationally enslaved. They can’t really stop us from thinking (yet), but they can damn sure confuse the shit out of most of us. The more time we spend believing, the less time we spend considering and questioning, and the more time we spend confused, the less time we spend knowing what must be done, and working toward it. This is partly why religion is so embraced, and is /obviously/ not entirely separate from state, though many of the connections are not exactly overt.
I think the key is to figure out a “quick and reliable” way to subvert the artificial indoctrination mindsets, and reveal the reality of the world to as many people, as rapidly as possible, to manifest a critical mass of people who suddenly realize that the way things are, and can only be expected to remain or worse, is completely unacceptable, and must immediately be changed.
Barring that… TPTB would have to make some very obvious and serious mistakes, causing a similar result, exposing themselves for what they really are, without the requirement to subvert anything.
There would be a period of chaos, but it could be corrected. “The people” need to be educated, and to realize that they own themselves, and in working together with everyone, for the good of both the one and the many, the people actually have quite a lot of power. The huge problem there, though, is that TPTB have the rest of the world heavily outgunned.
Would TPTB directly engage in mass genocide, just to protect their status and maintain imposition of their constructs? I would bet they would. Making the potential for change widely regarded as worth far more than the expected risk, is what would be required to change the world. When our best to make it better, is worth the risk of losing it all. And so in this regard: perhaps it needs to get worse, before it can get better… which i’m sure plays into why anyone has any “rights” or benefits or amenities at all. They’re trying to drop the minimum as low as they can, to maximize their high, without letting the bottom fall out.
Glad to meet all of you as well! I have heard about the after 3-4 days being easy. and euphoria after a week or a week and a half, very interesting. I truly believe fasting is a sacred art that allows us humans to connect with the divine and our own bodies and souls where we are more open to spiritual contact. I really hope this does not take 73 days, or even 40-50 days, that is just insane! But I figure by day 40 i’ll just stop drinking water and drive out to the wilderness somewhere so i can’t drink water even if I wanted to. You survived because you drank alcohol, there are stories of people surviving just on alcohol, I remember reading one story about some nutritionist who was going to prove it was possible without many side affects for like a month.
I agree that fixing the world is a very appealing reason for living, and indeed it was mine for a very long time. But my sense of logic about the nature of suffering and unfairness, along with the idea that life isn’t really precious, or at least individual life (taking cues from nature) leads me to my suicide. Am i afraid about the afterlife? Yes, because everyone is.
I also agree that everyone is enslaved, and I see it all too clearly in the developed world. I feel it’s those who are more spiritually in touch who are able to perceive our enslavement and lack of spirituality or even love and growth from each other. The family unit is falling apart in many families where the grandparents and parents are unable to pass down skills, philosophies, and the sense of being loved and included to their children. Many of my friends have similar situations where they are stuck without a direction, and we don’t seem to be giving ourselves a direction like the generation before us largely did.
The idea of having a large committee or organization (LOOKING AT YOU UNITED NATIONS) to address all of the worlds problems is just a scratch on the surface of our problems. Hell, half the time we don’t even know the reasons why people are driven to be serial killers from happy hopes, or relatively happy homes, where the person who has been abused for years can somehow learn to live a happy life. But I do believe it is slowly, very slowly getting better for the bulk of the population due to technology like eradication of disease, especially those nasty parasites that God thought it would be cool to add to Earth, and also the ending of hunger. Although we are seeing more extremes in my opinion of the horribleness of our world, either that or we are just documenting more of it. It seems like the latter is more likely.
I’m glad you both find this interesting at the very least, and I’m sorry that my writing sucks lol.
Can I ask what happened to you spiritually cyan? I will post more detail about my experiences later on.
And I challenge you clevername, how can this world be so fucked up if their is a higher power or a creator of this Universe and world? Even if we were the ones who created Earth from a metaphysical standpoint, why is life so ugly, brutish, and short? Why must we suffer through this without a point?
@CN I’m thinking for those of us who don’t have gobs of money or the ability to make laws, power could be something as simple as popularity. And with the internet, it is actually within reach of most of us. There are kids on youtube whose videos are watched by literally millions. If they play it smart, like ugh Justin Bieber did, that can turn into full scale celebrity status. And that translates into power.
Unfortunately most celebrities waste their power on selfish, meaningless crap. But conceivably it could be used to rally the masses into making some significant social change. Here’s where the “modern slavery” thing you talked about can be used to our advantage…
I think in general humans are a herd-like species. They follow. They feel safe in numbers. They do what they see everyone else doing. As it is, that’s a sucky situation because the “shepherds” have selfish agendas of controlling the herd for their own profits. But imagine working that herd with a positive goal in mind. Yes, exploit, subjugate and brainwash them just like they already are… but instead of profiting financially, use them to profit the world.
I think you & I share a pretty cynical view of human life. But perhaps that’s what it takes to get the job done. Isn’t that what Machiavelli talked about a few hundred years ago (and caught hell for)? The idea that there are no rules, no ethics and no morals in politics. Just do whatever it takes to accomplish your agenda. The sad part is that most people with “good” agendas are reluctant to get low down & dirty like that. Hence the reason why all the power remains in the hands of “evil” people :/
@ayayayay Hey! Sorry we kinda went to town with this discussion, but as you can see we kick around some fun ideas on this site. What could be funner than world domination?
How is your hunger strike going, by the way? I officially joined you at midnight last night, so I’m only 12 hours into it. But already I feel like I’ve accomplished something. The spiritual revelation I had (almost 10 years ago, so I’m trying hard to re-create it in my head) was that I suddenly saw all living things as part of an integrated whole. This integrated whole could be interpreted as “god” or maybe it is just a large organism that we live inside, just like bacteria live inside us. Anyway, the realization was amazing… a lot more powerful than the lame words I used to describe it… because it was more like a feeling of connection, rather than any philosophical idea.
Here’s what’s interesting. In this revelation, I saw and *accepted* the idea that our host “god” is on the verge of dying. That is the simple reason why our prayers go unanswered, why horrible atrocities continue, why life isn’t fair. It’s because our god is powerless at the moment.
And suddenly I realized we all have it backwards. It’s not “god’s” job to take care of us. It’s the other way around. Like the white blood cells in your own body, it’s our job to fix our host. That’s what motivated me to fix the world (or what little I can).
As you can see, that superhero motivation ran out. Now I’m more apt to say “I tried my best, but the sickness is too far along. it’s better for our host to die.”
And that ‘s basically the same approach I’m taking with my own life. I fought hard. But now it’s time to give up the ghost.
Well now that I’ve talked your ear off…!
What about yourself? Contrary to what you say, I think you express yourself very well with your words. You’ve given a lot of thought to things I’ve only begun to think about. For someone with so many metaphysical thoughts, how did you end up on the road to suicide??