sleepy drugs

been doing some research on the newest drug du jour-ativan. reading all the stories about why it is one shouldn’t consume alcohol with this drug. some silly thing about both being cns depressants and one may forget to breath. didn’t find anything that mentions pot specifically but i am guessing its about the same. home alone tonite so i can bake myself silly. not too concerned that my breathing will cease. the fact that i could do something to that affect hasn’t escaped my attention. not feeling it today. be my luck i would fuck it up somehow.  someone commented on a previous post that i need to get out of my head.  up until a few weeks ago i thought i was at neutral. i don’t know what happened but the physical issues of depression came back in a hurry. then its the dark thoughts-when can i tell the world to fuck off. its not all my conscious mind either. songs i hear, places, people, situations all seem to be bringing back memories and emotions. i feel the sense of impending doom. but i don’t know where or why. to say that i am a bit stressed should be obvious. i don’t feel comfortable(safe) at work. i can never do enough at home. i need somewhere to hide. my own head seems like the only safe place. if you can call being suicidal a safe place. the one good thing about ativan and smoke is that it makes me sleepy. time to go