survivor at the momment

To whomever will listen,

2 years ago my mom passed away of an accidental overdose ever since then my life has been awful. Before my mom passed away it was crap, but it got worse. She past away when  i was in 7th grade it seems like yesterday. In 9th grade during a school break i was alone watching my neighbors house for her since she trusts me and she was away for the week. During the time she was gone my friend offered to get me fucked up i turned her down because i wasn’t ready to fuck up, but just a day later everything went down hill. I grabbed the booze and the pills i had stashed away for a day like that and i went back to my neighbors. I sat there contemplating but when i made my mind up i wrote the note. i sat there crying clenching my favorite necklace. i began drinking, i drank about half a bottle of whiskey and downed 6 Vicodins . I’m not sure why i’m alive i thought for sure i would die. i was unconscious for three days but during that time i swear i saw my mom trying to wake me up and telling me its not my time. She told me that i’m stronger than this and i needed to be there for my dad and my brother. when i woke up i swore id stop the drinking pill popping and self harming. I’m in 10th grade now and i’m snowballing back down hill and i’m trying to grab hold of something to save me but everyone who said they would be there for me told me they were done with me and were tired of me being depressed all the time. they promised me they’d never give up on me but they’ve given up on me and honestly i’m ready to give up on myself soon i need someone to grab my hand and save me before i fall to far. I honestly thought things would be better by now, but i guess thats what i get for getting my hopes up. I’m slowly learning not to get my hopes up because no matter what it always seems to get crushed. I need a savior someone please be the angel that saves me

                                                                       thanks for listening to me sincerely,

deadontheinside