This website is new to me, I’m not entirely sure how I should be formatting it so I’ll just start typing.
I’m very depressed all of the time, I can’t sleep at night anymore at all. I sleep during the day when I finally crash for most of daylight, it wasn’t always like this but has degraded in the years where my depression became more frequent and overwhelming. I have a laundry list of other personality and mood disorders to go with it, nothing seems to change no matter how hard I’ve strived in the past to overcome. I’ve long since given up, accepted this and lived my life in the bottomless pit that is my state of emotions.
I’ve fallen short of a drug overdose in the past to escape, but one thing keeps shaking me from going through with it again, the fear of not knowing what lies beyond. I think about it day in and day out, contemplating when and how but my mind becomes plagued with ‘what ifs’ .
What lies beyond?
Will I come back with another chance?
Is it infinite blackness, or is there something after death, if there is taking my life would assure that it gets no better.
I’m pretty much just rambling in my depressive state, but it’s a bit of a relief to get some thoughts of mine out there anonymously.
15 comments
I can recall a period of blackness when I was very young, probably because my mind was developing, or perhaps I had not opened my eyes. Because of this, I believe that once we die, the world goes dark, with us returning to oblivion. Just because our minds die, however, does not mean that everyone else is gone. They will continue to live on, and our memories will live on with them. Still, I believe that once humanity is extinct, we will be gone for good.
I forgot to mention I’m not religious in my OP.
For some reason I can’t recall anything before about 3 years old, what I do is me floating from the sky and into my body.
That’s even if I remember that correctly, it could have all been a dream when I was that age for all I know, but I have absolutely nothing before that.
Don’t worry about religion, for I am DEFINITELY not religious!
It’s always been what’s kinda held me back, somewhat.
What if it doesn’t do anything but pull me into a larger bottomless pit of darkness.
Though I do want it all to end finally.
Even if death results in nothingness, or even if there is a blissful afterlife (which I highly doubt that there is), it will greatly affect whoever finds you, and especially those who are close to you.
the fear of unknown keeps us from moving ahead. MY culture believes in reincarnation. and there are many books written by psychologists on this topic.
maybe you can read some of them, just so that you would have a new perspective of things.
Can I get the names of these books? It sounds like an interesting read.
@depressednihilist95 –
This isn’t an exaggeration, I have no family left alive, or none that I have any knowledge about/contact with and maybe 4 friends that stopped hanging around with me/talking to me because I’m too depressing all the time.
http://reluctant-messenger.com/reincarnation-proof.htm : try reading this first
there are 100s of books available on this topic.
I dont know many by name, try google??
There’s a lot of people on here for you. We all care, and while many are depressed and suicidal, I think we are all here to try and make it out alive. I’m one of the “happy” types, as I have been through so much, that I realize I won’t kill myself, I just want to help others who are going through what I have. Hit me up to talk, or for advice, or anything. If you need a new friend, I”m here.
Some days I want to die just to find out what really does happen afterwards.
I believe that we come back to this world in another body.. Which would explain the over all feeling of just being lost.
Sometimes I wonder if we are giving chance after chance in this life, but only in different dimensions. The same life, only you die, but you are given another chance to keep going perhaps because your/my “time” isn’t “finished”.
I’ve driven down the road in the past, or maybe on a freeway and my mind completely goes blank..forgetting where I am or what I’m doing for a split second. Or sometimes even falling asleep for a split second…. And I always wonder (after I’ve regrouped my thoughts) if I’ve been given a second, third, fourth (etc) chance at life. Not just while driving, but these experienced are strange and make me question whats really going on.
*spell correct sucks
plz approve my earlier comment?
I think its awaiting moderation as i hv included a link to the list of these reincarnation books that you asked for..
i recently read another article where people who believe in reincarnation hv put off suicide, as they believed that we are always presented with similar situations in each life, and even if we escape this time, we will have to face it all again, same way, next time or something.. its all written in Dr. Ian Stevenson’s books.. its an interesting read NO matter what!
That’s so interesting because I have pretty much the same belief. There is no getting away from these “tests”, not even suicide. You have to come back to another life where..lets just face it..there isn’t one person who is going through something that a million people aren’t going through already. There is no escaping these tests…that’s life!
I think if we were able to know for sure what awaits us all or individually after we pass on, I think Earth’s population would be much less than its current seven plus billion. A lot of people including me would probably be out if I knew if the grass was in fact greener on the “other side”