Fucking shit. I don’t even know how to start this post as my eyes hurt from so much crying.
It is easier to read my last post to understand what I’m about to write as I’m too tired to retell the story. Anyway, I had my therapy session today. But let’s start from the beginning. Coming from class last night, I get an email from my university’s counselor asking me to call her the next morning (this am.) When I do, she tells me that my friend opened the letter I had given her and, obviously, had to do something about it. The counselor asked me a bunch of questions, to which I denied most of them, and she wants to see me tomorrow morning before my 1st class.
Well, things would have been somewhat less horrible if I didn’t have a therapy session at noon today. It turned out my friend also called my therapist and told her about the letter (she was not supposed to open until the end of the 13th.) Well, needless to say it was a very tense session and I had to sign a form saying that I won’t be committing suicide. She was really close to calling the hospital for a health warranty or something like it. Plus, she’ll call one of the best people in life and tell her what’s been going on. And as if it wasn’t enough, of course, I got the following text from my friend:
“You have put me in a position that is very difficult both personally and professionally. We can discuss it tomorrow if you would care to but I am no longer able to continue texting with you.”
I cannot bear to say how much this hurts. I screwed up one of the best relationships I’ve ever had, am about to lose another one just as important – if not more – and am one step from begin committed to a nut house. I almost turned the car on the highway today, but ironically enough, there was an ambulance behind me so I didn’t. I’m talking to my friend tomorrow and I have no idea of what’s gonna happen. I cannot stand even the thought of losing her friendship!!
I just wanna go!!! But there are people I wanna see first, and I’ll see them this weekend. More than ever, I won’t intend to be here after Sunday…