i have a generally good idea why i became and am, self destructive. i know how to correct it, i know what i should do to in all areas of my life. for some reason i just do the opposite. i don’t like being depressed, i don’t like being suicidal, but for some reason i put myself into these situations very conscious of the toll it will have on me later.
i feel like im just wasting time prolonging the inevitable.
ive always been very smart, sociable, athletic, good looking. even my childhood and parents were alright, (as fucked up as they were/are, not even close to people/stories ive heard or saw) so i cant really put any blame there. in fact if i were to put any blame anywhere, it would be the government, or whoever made it ok for society to be the way it is. i look at people who have money and power and think “that guy is a fucking douche, i would never be like that” but then i envy because they have all the things they want that only money can give. alot of the time, even in the most humble of cases (mother Teresa, Gandhi) they only acted a certain way, pretty much lied to obtain their true objective that only money could buy.
i often dwell how we as a people capable of such mind bending feats and true acts of nobility compassion self awareness, are always overpowered with hatred greed and hostility. i do not believe we are meant to be violent, love is too convincing of an emotion to be wrong, but in every country there is anger and its backed up with government and guns.
i truly believe if we change our world to be peaceful and loving all around and all together, not only will it pay off itself, but i believe we will finally find our place in the universe, in ourselfs. words and feelings like: depression, angst, longing, hatred, fear, work, money, time, ugly, any form of strife will be welcomly forgotten. we can progress outward into the galaxy and spread the word of love and tranquility our world so desperately needs.
so yeah, that’s what i have to say i guess. this is the first ever post iv’e ever written so i don’t really expect the best feedback, but please tell me where you think im wrong.
2 comments
It’s hard finding people who understand you but you just described exactly how I feel. I love your thoughts.
It would be nice if we had more peace and love in the world, wouldn’t it? I’m on your side there.