tension

ok… this post is very different from my others. i think it doesn’t even fit very well in this blog, but since everybody writes about anything about themselves here and that i don’t have anybody to tell this, i am going to write here. anyway, it’s part of my problems, even though i think it’s not the most serious one, and maybe it’s just a phase.

ok. i’m having some trouble with dealing with my sexual arousal. i can’t control it. i get excited all the time even without any kind of stimulation. i’m starting to think i’m a pansexual or something. no, i don’t think it’s that serious, but man, it has become often enough to i consider it as a problem. i’m not gonna to kill myself because of it, but it’s fucking annoying. really. it’s completely out my control. thinking about dead cats don’t help at all. i’m not saying i’m excited from dead cats, that’s not what i mean. it’s like if sometimes my mind is completely separeted from my body, and i get horny without have any tought that could bring me to this state of excitement.

maybe it’s some kind of hormonal deviance. i don’t know. maybe it’s porn addiction (haha).  i don’t know. i just need to write this somewhere. this is one of my constant needs – to write. i’m always writing, can’t live without write. it makes me alot better.

also my mood is a rollercoaster. it’s swings and swirls and vhgisdbfwvneuryducfds0uycgsduyifgbpsiudfybvsdf… can’t describe it’s flotations. sometimes i’m badly depressed, sometimes i’m fucking happy and confident, sometimes i’m tired… fuck. it almost seems i’m a woman. haha. i’m in a good mood right now, but five minutes ago i was almost crying.

or… maybe it’s because of the drugs. yeah. shit. i’m going insane. at least i can use this as a reminder to what to tell to my psychiatrist monday. i always forget what to say to him. he says i suffer from chronical depression. i think i have bipolar disorder. but… i’m no doctor, right?

ok. that’s it.