Please don’t do it. I am a victim of suicide. My father took his own life. It not the answer. There are people in this world who love you even if you don’t think they do. They will forgive you for any mistakes you have made no matter the size. They might not tell you everyday but they are out there. Please hold on. Find local support groups or free counselors in your area. Â Hell go to a titty bar in your town and just pay to talk. They might not have the answers but they will listen and you may find someone who can relate! Just don’t give up. You will destroy the lives of so many more by ending your own. I’m no professional but you can reach out to me here
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I’m sorry about your father. My only reason to hold on is because I love my daughter more than myself. I have seen the shrink, take 3 different meds, therapy, and I even do a little exercise in case that helps. I used to be a very song woman, but now I am nothing.
The only thing I can say is maybe your father knew how much people loved him, and it wasn’t enough. I have a very close family and I know I am loved tremendously, but it’s not enough. I feel I am noting but a burden. They are always trying to keep me happy, and check in several times a day. While this is lovely, as hard as I try there are many more issues that I can’t change or accept in a positive way. I suffer so badly, I wish something in by brain would click and I would be ok.I am tired. My heart says it’s time to end the show. My loved ones are growing weary trying to help me with no rewards.
I am acutely aware I am loved, but love doesn’t make everything go away.
Have you tried changing your shrink? Even if he is a licensed and practicing physician that doesn’t mean he is good. I’m telling you ending your life is not the answer. You may think your family is growing tired but they aren’t. I am also from a very close family and when my dad took his life he also ripped out all of our hearts. There is nothing in this world that cannot be overcome. Your daughter needs you. There are things in this world every child needs their parent for. The fact that you are even reaching out on this website is a step in the right direction. Getting those feelings out is a tremendously brave thing to do. No one wants to admit they are depressed or suicidal. Because unless you are talking to someone who also copes with depression they will not understand. There is hope. The darkness will eventually fade. Some days won’t be great but others will be amazing. It is worth it. You are worth it
@andrewb I’m incredibly sorry to hear about your loss and I can’t imagine having gone thru that. For you to get up every day and find the good, well, you must be very strong. For me I’m in my 20s and don’t have children or anything, but I do have parents who would be crushed if I ever did anything and that breaks my heart every day. But the thing is, their love isn’t enough. Because I don’t receive it. Your last 2 lines in your comment pretty much sum up the suicidal mind. “It is worth it, you are worth it.” The thing is, chances are, none of us feel we are worth it at all. So in turn, “it” doesn’t feel worth it. It’s very hard to care about a life you don’t believe is worth anything and it’s especially hard when that life is your own.
Try not to hate your dad or anything for what he did. I’m sure he was a great man at one point that just got gripped by the darkness that told him he was nothing, and he felt there was no way back. That is how I feel too. Suicide isn’t always 100% selfish. Of course there is some selfishness there. But sometimes it feels like people really would be better off to mourn you and try and move on with their lives, rather than watch you deteriorate day by day with no hope of anything changing.
No.
You don’t get to tell me what my answer is, unless you have a better one waiting for me to hear/read it. And you absolutely don’t, so you’re either wrong, or simply lack understanding of these types of situations.
Plenty of people have taken it upon themselves to do things that make me sad or angry, prevented me from living according to me, and have ultimately destroyed my life. Tell me i have to care that my suicide would make anyone sad. I’ll laugh in your face and then insult you, because you’re trying to tell me you know my life better than i do, without ever even having met me. Even if you’d known me since birth, you wouldn’t have had the extreme displeasure of walking through my life, in my shoes. To say “suicide isn’t the answer,” shows that you clearly don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. But i’m not here to berate or insult you. It’s okay if you’re ignorant. Not everyone has a chance to experience and understand everything, or certain things… and some things can only be understood by living through and with them.
Suicide isn’t about “answers.” It’s about accepting one’s own mortality, as well as the implausibility of any sufficiently positive outcomes of the best possible efforts a person can manifest. It’s about knowing you can’t fix it, and knowing you no longer wish to live with it, and just being done.
Everyone dies.
Some people spend their whole lives running from death; some tire of this, stop, turn around and give it a hug, and just go with it.
I gotta go with Clevername on this … I shouldn’t do it … because other people? Other people who will say how much the cared and how much they were willing to forgive … but only AFTER i’m gone … funny how those sentiments never quite surface in the same way while we’re still topside.
And seriously, what is the difference between a suicide or dropping dead from a heart attack or brain aneurysm? Intent? but other than that the loss is still a surprise and sudden … the how doesn’t matter. And yes it’s life changing … but “destroying” … nah come on … again, what’s the difference between suicide or heart attack? Are you telling me that if it was a heart attack, your life would be relatively fine? No – it’s the same thing … except when it’s suicide you can actually blame someone (the deceased)
look – i have a lot of sympathy for your loss, i know how difficult it is. I lost my mom but it wasn’t ruled a suicide … but we did not have an autopsy because there was just enough evidence to allow for suicide to be considered if there was to have been an investigation … no, we left it as “natural causes” as was ruled on scene … only me and my dad saw the evidence and realized what might be possible … but everyone accepts a natural death even though nothing changes either way… she’s dead either naturally or by choice. If it was a choice, i’d have to ask myself if there was something i could have done … but the likely answer is “No” there is nothing that i could have done because she chose not to tell me. It was personal for her … so who am i to claim i could have changed anything? and how presumptuous would i be to even think that her choice to die somehow stole something from ME?!?
Do i want others to commit suicide – no, of course not … but i respect their choice to do so … my life carries on without my mom – i’ll not blame my failures on her loss … it’s no secret that people die – no one here gets out alive so the only questions are when and how … i think that suicide should not be stigmatized as it has been and i think people should have the legal ability to choose the option and dies safely and humanely … instead, while we’re alive, if we make it known and/or ask for help the world calls us names, makes judgments, ridicules and criticizes forcing us to hide and become Oscar winning actors then when we get tired of that “compassionate understanding” … the world uses us for a scapegoat one last time and blames their failures on OUR decision to end our suffering!
Again – i AM sorry for your loss – truly – but don’t blame your dad for your life’s failures and difficulties … let him rest and go on fixing your life instead of wasting time and energy pining over something you cannot change. He’s gone – and that sucks … but it’s quite possible that life could be MORE difficult if he was still here … you can’t “know” that it may not be.
I agree that people who are considering suicide should do as much as possible to try to find an “answer” and make efforts to get help if it’s applicable … but with the previously mentioned stigmatism, that is often difficult to do without compounding the problem so sometimes it isn’t all that bad of an option … the living are a resilient lot – they’ll find a way to overcome.
reality dawg
Who said anything about blaming my dad? I do not blame my father. And I am extremely successful as well as most of my family so I wouldn’t blame him for any failures or whatever you said in my life. If you think that people in your life will only show they care for you after you pass, I would suggest you surround yourself with less shitty people in your life. And we didn’t need an autopsy to see if it was a suicide, the gun answered that question.
I need to jump in here too.
In my own contemplation of suicide lately I’ve questioned how my death would impact my family and the people who know me. No doubt they’d say the standard things that suggest that taking my life is the wrong decision but it comes down to this: Who’s there for me when I need them? NO ONE! I’ve decided that should I go ahead and take my life I will demand in my note that a funeral/memorial not be held. If you don’t make any attempt to maintain a relationship with me while I’m alive then you do not have the right to pretend you care when I’m dead. My life is miserable. There is no reason to continue to wake up every morning. I fail to see how I can destroy any lives when the people who say they love me do not show it in any way. If someone feels bad when I’m gone–that’s on them, not me. I should not have to live a life of agony and people who live shiny, happy lives do not have the right to judge the decisions of those who battle every day.
Just to paraphrase the Original Post for demonstration:
Please don’t do it. (Plea)
I am a victim of suicide. (authority/experience/knowledge)
My father took his own life. (objective act that gives above experience)
There are people in this world who love you (suggestion of your open availability)
They will forgive you for any mistakes you have made (Suggestion of willing forgiveness … if only …)
Please hold on. (pleading – now from suggested authoritarian position)
Just don’t give up. (pleading – now from suggested authoritarian position)
You will destroy the lives … by ending your own. (And then to tie it all together you suggest after all that – that lives are/will be destroyed … it’s not a reach to see how you made every inference that if only your dad had come to you, your/someone’s life wouldn’t have been destroyed)
So, fair enough, you’re successful and you got over your dad’s suicide and don’t blame him, thanks for the clarification.
The logical path you employ in the original post suggests that you blamed your dad … your response to my comment clarifies that your life is successful and grand which really now makes your original post disingenuous, hollow and self serving … because your response clarifies that you are in no way a “victim” and that you clearly were not “destroyed”. And then to get defensive … well clearly you’re one of those linear thinking black/white either/or type self serving charlatans that “grace” this place every now and again … feel free to go check off your do-gooder church service requirement – i’m sure they’ll give you a little star for your “outreach”
Can you explain again how you’re a “victim”? what with all the success and non-blaming understanding of your dad’s demise … cuz it seems like you’re just wearing the “victim” badge because it goes with your sweater.
skeptic dawg
Man….Dawg is awesome at the deconstruction of arguments I must say…
-Demolition Dawg
Lol
😛
It just seems to me someone who claims this experience and victimhood would have more to offer than generic platitudes that evidently don’t even apply to the person’s own family experience.
We need people here that will seriously listen and understand and take time to try and impart useful knowledge and logic, especially to our younger members who are less experienced and/or knowledgeable to the “finer” workings of the world around them
… not drive-by generic self serving psychobabble followed by combative “i’m better than you neener neener” contradictions.
exposer dawg
@Dawg: I 100% agree man…