For the past 8 years, I have kept myself alive because I truly do not wish to harm the few in this world that love me. A handful of individuals care, and they have listened to my rants and begged me not to disappear.
…But I am now at such a threshold that I no longer care. I don’t wish to cause them pain, but they are all vastly more successful than I am. And every new day that I keep breathing is just an invitation to new and more creative ways for this world to subject me to horror, failure, disaster, and humiliation.
I think the time has come. I wish to end my existence. I am no longer even afraid of oblivion – in fact – now, I seem to welcome that even more than the idea of paradise.
I do not approve of this world – whatever its explanation, if such a thing exists. I just want to disappear completely. I can’t take another day of this existence.
I hate this place.
At least death is a roll of the dice – and a possible chance to wake up in a different world, perhaps better, if we ever wake up at all.
I do not wish the end of the world…just the end of MY world. The end of MY life. …The end of ME. At best, I am a failed experiment, a fatal combination of genetics, life experiences, psychology, and perhaps, soul. Spin the wheel again, and perhaps I’ll be someone new. Or no one at all, which is also acceptable.
I’m sorry. I am very sorry. I never meant to end in despair. I just think that after 3 decades on this planet, my decision should be respected – or, at least, accepted. Then, let the few that care go on to raise their own families, as they are already doing, and hopefully, they’ll never have to deal with unworkable despair again.
I love you all.
Goodbye, my friends.