Hey my life is horrible.

Hey, my life Is horrible I’m tortured every single day and there’s nothing that I can do about it. I’ve decided I’ve had enough and I’m going to end it but I have a dillema. I can not afford a gun to blow my brains out, I’ve looked into hanging but the last inevitable seconds clutching for life and gasping for air would shatter my soul and I could not bare the thought of it. So that leaves cutting which is my prefered method. I’ve made an attempt in the past however I was ill informed, I cut my wrists and forearms with a serrated steak knife very deeply and sat prepared to bleed out unfortunately I did no research and cut across not length wise. My ideal way to go would be relaxed sprawled on the ground or anywhere enjoying one last cigaret as I bleed out with a smile on my face, I do not have the slightest care of who finds me as long as I’m dead. I’ve come to the conclusion to this is only possible my cutting a main artery so I have been researching the corotid and femoral arteries. I can be a pretty rough guy if I need to and I deal with physical pain well but something about the motion of slicing your own throat is very difficult almost as if my body is physically and primally hard wired not to allow me. So basically I want to sever my femoral but I do not have a good knife, also would just stabbing it do the trick? if you guys have any sugestions clever or basic on how I can achieve bleeding out, or if you have a way I can get to my corotid if that would be easier, or any other suicide methods a person like me would be able to pull off. I looked into drop hanging but I’m afraid of the possibility my neck does not snap because I can not get my hands on any rope, any substances from the outside world are virtually impossible for me to obtain. I could tie my sheets into a noose but again suffocation is not something I could handle, also I’m not fond of pill methods where hours and hours are required unfounded because of the possibility I would w found which is absolutely un acceptable. I don’t have money to obtain helium or nitrous oxide unfortunately. And drinking ammonia and bleach or something ridiculous does not appeal to me I do not want to feel my organs churning or convulsing I would really like to just sit comfortably pass out an die. I do not think I could pull off monoxide because ide have to borrow a car and also being found is my worst possible nightmare. Please help if you can thank you from the bottom of my heart, if any of you wish to discourage me think first of how entitled and arrogant you would be behaving as if you could possibly understand anything in another Human beings life and yet you share your opinion on what you think is “better” or “worth it” as if you know what’s best like god himself came down from heaven and told you, please save your words for someone else. Again please offer suggestions and opinions as to how I can achieve the things I’ve written.