IÂ stopped taking my medication a week ago. for some strange reason I like the feeling of emptiness. I don’t have to leave my dorm room, or deal with the outside world when I don’t feel the need to, and that’s comforting to me. I don’t have to talk to people, answer my phone, or my door. I stay locked away in the darkness staring at this computer screen, drinking heavily, or turning to drugs.
its exam week and i have not studied for anything. i have not been to a full day of classes in weeks, I think about dropping out, but i know if i do, ill never come back. I will not have the money, nor the motivation to even make an effort, so i will write these exams and hope for the best.
i am in a huge argument with my parents, they flat out told me they don’t believe i can make it through college.. at first i was determined to prove them wrong, but now i don’t even see a point anymore…
last night i emptied out every container of pills i have in my medicine cabinet and grabbed a glass of vodka. I didn’t do anything, but the fact that i couldn’t stop myself from pouring every single pill into my hand makes me scared.
10 comments
Am actually quite inspired, which I guess is a little fucked up.
What’re you studying?
Please do not be tempted to take the pills and vodka…I did it only put me in the hosptal. And though I didnt do it for attention, I really wanted to die…nobody was there for me.You are so young…please just put yourself number one and do the job of getting through college, research is you have not already different careers.
Agree on the pills. Poisoning yourself lethally is damn difficult. And downing charcoal at the ER is no fun. No fun at all.
this will probably sound outright crazy to you, and probably a little morbid, considering the way i’ve been feeling, but i am studying Funeral Service education.
Hahahahahaha, amazing! 😀
Sorry, I just find that totally awesome.
a lot of people do in fact. i’ve just always been fascinated with death, so it felt appropriate to pursue a career that dealt with it on a regular basis.
This might sound wierd, but I sit in my car alot in cemetaries. I just sit there and think and eat lunch. Actually a lot of people sit there as well with their lunch. My house was recently foreclosed, it was across from a cemetary…best location I ever lived at. And The Housewives of Atlanta show…one of the housewives, Dedra I believe…owns or works in that same area of interest. Oddly enough I think it’s more socially acceptable.
not weird at all, cemeteries are peaceful places if you choose them to be. and yes i am familiar with that show, but never knew that she was in the field as well. interesting!
Yes, being a Funeral Director is becoming more of a common job, especially for women. A lot of people that get into the program have had some experience with death in their lives, weather it be a close family member or a friend. We all really just have the same interest and that is to help those who seek us for help in a difficult time in their lives.
Yes, I second the charcoal shots, yuck. Have done that in hospital and also was revived from the dead and made to chug. Black shit for a week too. Awful experience, but I was so out of it anyway it is just another one of those bad vague memories. The fucker that found me that called the ambulance I still wish they hadn’t though.
I can see exactly how you feel. I took masses of pills and alcohol to hide from the world, now I just drink, but drug seek like a monster.