the feeling your fat but your not

im fat inside by a lot but when i look in the mirror im skinny as fuck, i hate it the feeling of eating makes me just want to cry over it and then when i think about self harm i want to cut, the amount of calerioes i have to eat for my family i dont want them to know that  hate eating because i feel so fat i feel like im eating so much, its the demons in my head i cant live like this any more i want to die but i know the people that love me will miss me i have started writing letters to all my friends and family for when i actually finally do the suicide plan that i made i know what i want and thats to die even though i know people will miss me but its for the best i mess up everything i mess up life for people and i cnt do this to loved ones.