This was a letter to my friend, Its kinda long but read if you want to..

Hello Sarah,

So you told me to write you, and the only time that im going to have to write you is while im in class. And you are lucky because I don’t like writing. at all. But anyways, idk what exactly to write about to be honest, but im just going to start with randomness and hope that it leads to something a little more than just that. So yeah, im really bored, and sitting in College English trying to write a 1500 word essay over a book that I definitely did not read. And the book I heard was actually pretty good, it’s a science fiction book with like things that could actually possibly happen in real life. and I heard that it was about like a family living a normal life, then an asteroid like hits the moon and the moon gets thrown out of whack and then crops wont grow, tsunamis happen daily, groceries run out at stores, gas goes up to like 15 bucks a gallon, and yeah just all sorts of craziness. kinda sounds like a cool book, but I usually don’t read, like at all. but yeah it kinda reminds me of my life, one day is fine and peachy and dandy, then out of absolutely no where something happens and everything just falls apart. Kinda like my life right now, no money, no food, no gas, no car, nothing. its all just gone all because of something that my mom put me through and now im just fucked over. excuse my language.

Anyways I got to say idk what to do with myself right now. I stress out way too much. like its not even funny. I put myself through so much shit and I beat myself up over something that isn’t even within my own control. like with my phone, my entire paycheck is going to my phone, that leaves me with no money for anything. no Christmas, no way to get gas, no way to get my car fixed, im just stuck. no way out. no way to dig myself out of this one. and why? because of my mother. she has brought nothing good to my life in the last 7 years. sometimes I honestly think that it would be better to just die. like seriously. think about it. all the stress would be gone in literally the blink of an eye. no more money problems, no more fights, no more drama, no more responsibilities, no more let downs, no more being played, used, abused, screwed, just everything would disappear. just like that, nothing more, it would be the easiest thing ever. Ugh, I hate my life honestly. like I have nothing to live for, my life isn’t all that great, all that I have done is let people down and not only them but myself. I used to think that I would grow up to be this great guy, popular, smart, funny, and that my life would be worry free money wouldn’t be an issue because of the things that I had seen because of money and how it effects my family, drugs weren’t an issue. I never would have seen my life going this way back when I was young. I thought that nothing bad would happen blah blah blah. but no. I have turned out to be a major screw up. I don’t have any plan what so ever once I get out of high school, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have like any way to actually get into a college or vo tech after high school because of money. pretty much at this time of my life im just letting it all go, because I don’t have anything to live for I haven’t made anything of my life.

sometimes I also think that I need to go back into the mental hospital because of the way I think like all of that me saying that theres no reason to be alive, that honestly scares me thinking that if I were to die, I wouldn’t have ANY problem with that. I don’t want to die, death scares me, but it sounds so amazing at the same time! it sounds like the most peaceful thing ever. I don’t know. im all sorts of confused by this crap. and it pisses me off that I cant just get something to boost me up enough to feel atleast decent with myself. all I have done is screw myself over. like with my brother, I fucked that up bad. with money, I cant seem to get shit in line because of my mom. I have done nothing good. idk im gonna stop rambling now.