i really don’t know what to do with myself and my life i mean lol i’ve diagnosed myself with paranoid schizophrenia i hear voices all the time (2 to be exact) i’ve had this ailment from about the time my mother passed away when i was 14 going in to 15 at first the voices helped me to cope with her loss and to bear with my other family and mental abuse i got when i was growing up from my father’s replacement woman sigh…. it was cool i was able to cope laugh at myself and move on now i’m 24 and these voices start to rule over me….. i can’t do anything without them criticizing me its sending me mad…… i came close to doing it yesterday…. sometimes i drink a lot to cover up the voices and well for the life off me i can’t recall how i reached back home think i walked back i hope no one i knew saw me cause i could tell i was a mess the next day the voices preyed on this nagging me for the whole of yesterday u fucking failure u washed up c*nt your mom would be so proud haha idk yes i thought about doing it but like i had a panic attack was weird i was able to contain myself after but idk how much longer i can take living with this i want out i want out i can’t take this idk what to do i keep on hoping that someone will come into my life or something that will improve it haha your right at this point all i had was my hope but its like gone totally gone i tried counselling once when i was doing my degree but in my part of the world counselling is so taboo and i couldn be fully honest with the psychiatrist i’m afraid that if i really tell them whats going on they’ll send me to a mental home at the time they diagnosed me with mild depression haha if they only knew i couldn eat at the time and all i did was sleep and drink to limit the voices i hear….. i can’t deal with it anymore i mean i’m able to hide this condition well i think i still have friends and such but not as much as i used to i’m so awkward around people but i’ve twisted it so its like part of my persona but hiding this keeping this mask up is so hard idk i want this to stop i want to be normal again before i do something stupid
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Hi,
I can relate to your story because I felt the same way when my mother died. The voices kept me out of that reality and in some way it helped me to cope. I sometimes wish I could be that crazy all the time, at least the voices gave me someone to interact with. It is really hard to face my reality now, because my mental illness cost me my friendships. Really though, I know that it isn’t healthy for anyone to have to live like that. Now I go to college, write and am not afraid to eat food ( I always thought there were bugs in my food). I can say that I did go to a few different mental hospitals… in America they are only temporary. where do you live?
first off thanks for taking time to read my story and sorry to hear that your in pain just like me i live in trinidad and tobago in the caribbean its rough here as any little sign of mental illness is treated with a stay in the mental home with regular individuals and criminals ranging with crimes of rape, murder, etc….. i understand the paranoia for a long time i always thought (correct still think) that people can hear my thoughts its tough it really is tough but idk i don’t want to see or hear people die i mean we’ve been around to long to make it end now idk how old u are but i’ve been fighting these suicidal thoughts since i was 18….. again thanks for reading my post and i hope your able to fight and win your battle with your inner demons